- Dwight Howard: Hey mom, why is Stanley from The Office yelling at you?
- Cleveland Brown: I am not Stanley from The Office.
- Cleveland Brown: [after seeing Donna wearing a frumpy-looking nightgown] Oh, nightgown? Like I'm sleeping with Gargamel.
- Donna Tubbs: What are you doing?
- Cleveland Brown: Not you, Dumbledore.
- Cleveland Brown: Hey, Kevin Garnett. Smooth move going straight to the NBA instead of going to college. Good luck getting into grad school, chump.
- Kevin Garnett's Mother: Oh, no, you do not talk to my son like that.
- Cleveland Brown: Well, your son is shooting three for 15. What percentage is that, Kevin? He doesn't know because he didn't go to college.
- Kevin Garnett's Mother: Do you know what percentage that is?
- Cleveland Brown: I was a ceramics major.
- LeVar 'Freight Train' Brown: You know, Stanley from The Office looks like our fat son. I hate this show now.
- Steve Nash: I know we won, but it's hard to enjoy it after that guy called me Steve Trash.
- Dwight Howard: He called me Dwight Coward. I know because I thought he said my name, but when I waved to him as I do whenever anyone says my name he enunciated it more clearly and this time I realized, I'd been insulted.
- Cleveland Brown: You're not gonna believe this. There's a bunch of elves in tuxedos attacking NBA All-Stars on our lawn. This is the best day ever.