The Cleveland Show (TV Series)

Another Bad Thanksgiving (2010)

Mike Henry: Cleveland Brown, Rallo Tubbs

Quotes 

• Cleveland Brown : It was the first Thanksgiving where civilized people came together with a bunch of godless savages. Much like today, as my family breaks bread with you, the human garbage of Las Vegas. We welcome you, leathery showgirl joyless blackjack dealer creepy rape-vibe magicians and creepy rape-vibe Carrot Top. I'd also like to welcome my son's escort my stepdaughter's Asian entourage. We feed you long time. I also want to acknowledge my teensy-weensy neighbor, Holt and my loosey-vavoosey sister-in-law, Janet. Here's to them casually getting down until she gets pregnant and then they'll have some decisions.

• Cleveland Brown Jr. : Dad, did you kill Turkey Luke Wilson?

  Cleveland Brown : No, son, I didn't. He had a coke-fueled heart attack at a strip club early this morning. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

• Cleveland Brown : [singing to the tune of Little Drummer Boy]  Thanksgiving's coming soon/Pa rum pa pum pum/The football starts at noon/Pa rum pa pum pum/Our finest snacks we bring/Pa rum pa pum pum.

• Donna Tubbs : [to Cleveland]  Still think it was a hilarious idea to send Janet and Holt out on a date together?

  Cleveland Brown : I can't believe they stuck us with her kids all night. Brian's okay, but D'Brian is the worst.

  Donna Tubbs : What? I think Brian's much worse.

  Cleveland Brown : Yeah, me too, but it didn't sound as clever.

• Cleveland Brown : This Thanksgiving will be our best holiday since Yom Kippur.

  [cutaway to Cleveland reading a Torah with the family present] 

  Donna Tubbs : Cleveland, we're not Jewish.

  Cleveland Brown : Oh, that's right. My writers are.

• Donna Tubbs : My sister Janet's coming with her kids.

  Cleveland Brown : What? I hate her. I hate all your sisters and your brother and your mom and your dad and your children.

  Donna Tubbs : Well, I'm sorry, but Janet's coming.

  Cleveland Brown : Boo, boo, Janet, boo.

  Donna Tubbs : Cleveland, that is not helpful. Janet is my...

  Cleveland Brown : Boo, boo, Janet, boo.

  Donna Tubbs : She's only coming for...

  Cleveland Brown : Boo, boo, Janet. Liar. Stay somewhere else.

  Donna Tubbs : Are you done? Good. Janet's only...

  Cleveland Brown : Boo.

• Cleveland Brown : [to his friends about Janet]  And the woman won't shut her mouth. Sometimes I just wanna say, "Can it, Janet," but then she'll say, "Leave, Cleve," and I don't have another one. Of course, if I can get her to say "leave, Cleve" first, then maybe I...

  Janet : Hey, Cleveland.

  Cleveland Brown : Can it, Janet. Oh, please don't make me leave.

• Janet : [When Janet introduces Robert to Donna]  This is Robert. I met him at detention. He's not like Cleveland here. He pees standing up.

  Cleveland Brown : I always poop a tiny bit when I pee.

• Cleveland Brown : [to Janet]  Hold up. You slept with Holt? No way. Ah, ha, ha! I bet this is the first Thanksgiving where you got stuffed by a turkey.

  Video Game Announcer : [Scene cuts to Cleveland and Janet as video game characters]  Seasonal slam!

• Cleveland Brown : [while reading Holt's tweet]  Just landed in Vegas with Janet.

  Donna Tubbs : They went to Vegas? That is great news. Because the only thing that matters is Janet's happiness at any given moment. Sure, she said she came to see me but then she sticks me with her bratty kids while she's out getting wined and dined at Applebee's. Well, I wanna go to Applebee's.

  Cleveland Brown : Mm, me too. Is it one of ours' birthday?

  Donna Tubbs : This is just like high school. Always acting like she's better than me. Talking about, "Have I seen a Blackberry?" Bitch, I am a Blackberry! You think you a diva, Janet? Well, guess what? I'm a diva too!

  [sings a high note] 

• Donna Tubbs : Cleveland, it's Donna. I've been to casinos on the strip, four off, eight all-you-can-eat buffets, I worked a car show, drove a gypsy cab, walked through The Luxor Yuck, but no sign of Janet or Holt. How about you?

  Cleveland Brown : Nothing. And I've looked everywhere too. Even as we speak, I'm sitting here with the Las Vegas Police Department searching through the records of all incoming citizens. Sipping coffee out of a little Styrofoam cup in a windowless room, staring at a flickering computer screen...

  [sees Donna standing right in front of him] 

  Cleveland Brown : [crying]  Oh, I'm at a pool. I'm sorry. I'll look, I'll find them. This pool don't mean nothing to me. I suppose I wanted to get caught. I'm sick.

• Cleveland Brown : Gotta go find Holt and Janet.

  [to the turkey] 

  Cleveland Brown : Luke Wilson, make sure no one steals my goggles.

  Holt Richter : [walks over to Cleveland]  Cle-Bro. Grub time. They were out of sliders, so I got you popcorn shrimp.

  Cleveland Brown : [to Donna; crying]  I told you I'm sick. I found him an hour ago. I was gonna tell you, but then I got hungry and thirsty. Oh, Donna. Nobody is more disappointed in me right now than I am.

• Cleveland Brown : Holt, you don't wanna marry Janet.

  Holt Richter : Because of the C-section scar? Doesn't bother me. Bothers me a little.