- Roger the Alien: [to Klaus] I hate you, I'm not saying that out of anger, it's a fact, it's 67 degrees out and I hate you
- Francine Smith: Roger,you're the most disgusting,out of shape piece of shit I've ever met,and I know Sammy Hagar.
- Stan Smith: [To Hayley] I secretly wish you were Benjamin Button, you were aging in reverse and your life would soon be over
- Francine Smith: [to Stan] You have the undeserved ego of Jeremy Piven, the annoying self righteousness of Sean Penn and the embarrassing hypocrisy of Rush Linbar, you're almost as bad as Rachel Ray
- Roger the Alien: I'm crying like Francine when she watches Grey's Anatomy
- Francine Smith: I just feel so sad for those poor actors
- Steve Smith: Mum you are not smart, I don't tell Your Mama's so dumb jokes, I tell My Mama's so dumb for example My Mama's so dumb I don't tell Your Mama's so dumb jokes, I tell My Mama's so dumb
- Stan Smith: [Stan is wearing panties] Steve stop stealing glances, if you want to check out the meatballs on this thing, go ahead, I'm your Dad
- Roger the Alien: [on the phone] Watching the news?
- Stan Smith: How did you know?
- Roger the Alien: Cause I'm right behind you
- [Stan looks]
- Roger the Alien: I'm just kidding, I'm at Indianapolis airport
- Francine Smith: [Alarms are going off] Stan what's happening!
- Stan Smith: Not much, what's happening with you?
- Roger the Alien: Why? What did I ever do to make you say those incredibly hurtful things?
- Stan Smith: Are you serious?
- Roger the Alien: Do I look like I'm not serious!
- Francine Smith: This is what you wanted
- Roger the Alien: You stay away from me Francine! You all stay away!
- Roger the Alien: I guess you had to come out of, or regularly visit- Francine's clown hole to matter around this place!
- Francine Smith: It *is* a happening spot.
- Hayley Smith: Steve you are never going to get laid, there is nothing attractive about you, you have the sex appeal of the cancer ward in a psychiatric hospital