Royal Pains (TV Series)

Open Up Your Yenta Mouth and Say Ah (2010)

Paulo Costanzo: Evan R. Lawson

Quotes 

• Boris Kuester von Jurgens-Ratenicz : Gentlemen, it's come to my attention that your father is a criminal. And a liar. As a result of various financial schemes, he recently attracted the attention of the Securities and Exchange Commission. He was prosecuted and convicted. In an attempt to win a reduced sentence, he became a confidential informant. Against me. Spying on my affairs, my travels, my home. Stealing my personal possessions and delivering them to his handler.

  Evan R. Lawson : That's who that dude was? That du... that was a federal agent?

  Boris Kuester von Jurgens-Ratenicz : To ensure he acted alone, and not with the help of his two sons living on my property, I conducted my own investigation.

  ["AJ" appears and hands Boris a folder; Hank is dumbfounded] 

  Boris Kuester von Jurgens-Ratenicz : Thank you. Thank you, Catherine. According to the evidence that has been accumulated, it appears that you two have nothing to explain.

• Evan R. Lawson : I like it. I like it a lot.

  Hank Lawson : Please stop talking like that. Stop talking like that now.

• Paige Collins : [testing to see if Evan's mind's on auto-pilot]  Also I'm pregnant... with triplets. Yeah. It's gonna be tough on me in a maximum-security prison, don't you think?

  Evan R. Lawson : Mm-hm. Yeah, I agree a thousand percent.

• Paige Collins : So... why can't I get to know Eddie?

  Evan R. Lawson : [sighs]  Because I need to get to know him first.

  Paige Collins : Yeah, I have no idea what that means, but if you want to tell me, I'd love to listen. Evan, let me help you through this.

  Evan R. Lawson : Sounds like a plan.

  [about to kiss her then stops] 

  Evan R. Lawson : And I promise I'll come visit you and the triplets in prison.

• [Evan refuses to accept Paige's generous offer to bail out Eddie] 

  Paige Collins : Well, should we just buy the country club, then?

  Evan R. Lawson : I love the fact that I can't tell if you're kidding or not.

• [the Lawson brothers are dressed for meeting Boris] 

  Evan R. Lawson : [exhales deeply]  I'm ready.

  Hank Lawson : For Boris or for prom?

  Evan R. Lawson : Fashion's the vocabulary of kings.

  Hank Lawson : Then you are wearing some very big words.