- Catherine: [about the American Revolution] Building a country from the ground up, from first enlightenment principles, without the mud of the past dragging you backwards. All men and women equal, letting all pursue their happiness as they see fit!
- Archbishop: I just heard a pretty good description of anarchy.
- Count Smolny: We need to raise the dueling age to 12. I think that's something that's come out of today.
- Aunt Elizabeth: What do you need?
- John Quirkton: I need to leave here with that cunt's heart in a suitcase and 10,000 troops.
- Aunt Elizabeth: Then you need to put something on the table that makes a woman happy.
- John Quirkton: My massive cock?
- Aunt Elizabeth: ...you've got something in your eye. Just there.
- [flicks him in the eye]