- Marvin Eriksen Sr.: We love you no matter what. So why don't you get back in that bathroom, pretend you're in high school and "blow dry your hair."
- Marshall Eriksen: I'll give my dad a call after Dr. Stengal gives me the thumbs up.
- Ted Mosby: Ew! He has to do that?
- Lily Aldrin: [Lily tries to talk to Marshall about him not being fertile] Okay, now you're being ridiculous. An hour ago, you didn't even think there was a problem.
- Marshall Eriksen: I was just putting on a brave face. Think about it - we've had unprotected sex 203 times in the past four months.
- [high-fives Lily]
- Marshall Eriksen: Obviously, I'm the problem.
- Barney Stinson: Problem? You can't get a girl pregnant - that's the dream! I'd give my first-born to not be able to have children.
- Lily Aldrin: [to their fertility specialist] We're doing it a lot.
- Marshall Eriksen: And everywhere. The kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, outside in your waiting-
- [Cuts off]
- Marshall Eriksen: ... the kitchen.
- Marshall Eriksen: I'm freaking out, is there a chance I won't be able to have kids? I've been hit in the nuts a lot.
- Marshall Eriksen: Tell him that I might not be able to give him a grandchild? I don't even know how to have that conversation.
- Barney Stinson: I'll show you. Dad, uh there's something I need to tell you. It's going to come as a bit of a shock. You are speaking to the 2011 Tri-County Laser Tag Co Champion.