- Freddy Horniman: The hurricane hit.
- Freddy Horniman: The plane crashed.
- Freddy Horniman: The lightning struck.
- Freddy Horniman: The torpedo went Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
- Freddy Horniman: I've been stabbed in the heart!
- Freddy Horniman: I've been London Bridged!
- Freddy Horniman: Et tu, Brute?
- Freddy Horniman: How did you do it, Judas?
- Freddy Horniman: All of you, a conspiracy of snakes!
- Eddie Horniman: The entire estate gets handed down to the firstborn son. Freddy's the heir, and I'm the spare.
- Geoff Seacombe: Although they appear to be house-trained, don't be deceived by the facade.
- Susie Glass: ... Too much untrained dog. And we are in the dog training business.
- Eddie Horniman: [Reading a song Tommy Dixon wants Freddy to sing] I'm a posh twat who fucked up, ee-i-ee-i-o. I fucked up because I'm a knob, ee-i-ee-i-o. With a twat twat here and a twat twat there. How old is Tommy Dixon?
- Eddie Horniman: Freddy. I didn't ask for any of this. The title has no practical value, the business is broken, there are holes in the roof, the government is greedy, the payroll is ugly, the staff are revolting and you, are a coke sniffing cunt. However, since you've been passed up and caught with your pants down, I'll look into it for you.