Sightseers (2012)
Alice Lowe: Tina
Photos
Quotes
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[Tina and Martin are at the table. Chris joins them]
Chris : What?
Tina : Martin just said some filthy things to me, Chris.
Chris : Yeah? Well, do tell.
Tina : He said I was a dirty, slutty bitch. And he wanted to f*ck me. And he said he wanted to sh*t in my mouth and in my underwear. And he said he wanted... he wanted to sh*t in my hand and make me use it as a brown lipstick.
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Tina : This is not my vagina!
[after looking first at an image on Chris's digital camera and then at her own body]
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Tina : Dear Mum, I'm not coming home. Yorkshire is lovely. Not like you said at all. They can smile and they do sell my pasta sauce. The caravan bed is quite short, but Chris is a sensitive lover. Hope you can be happy for me. Love, Tina.
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[first lines]
Tina : Mum? Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. You all right?
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Carol : What's going on?
Chris : I'm just admiring your artwork, Carol. It's fantastic.
Carol : I don't want anyone in my room.
Tina : Chris was just saying how talented he thinks you are.
Carol : It's my private sanctum. I don't want anybody looking.
Tina : Well, no one's looking in your sanctum, Mum.
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Chris : So what were you like when you were a little kid, then?
Tina : Unhappy.
Chris : You didn't like school? I know, nor me.
Tina : What were you like at school, Chris?
Chris : I wasn't like anything. I was, like, invisible.
Tina : What about you being ginger?
Chris : Well, that's a problem, yeah.
Tina : That's not invisible, is it?
Chris : No, but I wanted to be.
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Tina : [looking at Martin's 'Carapod' bicycle trailer] It looks like an alien's coffin.
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Chris : [arriving at the caravan site] They've only got two spots left. One by the Dingley Dell and one by the bogs.
Tina : [they are behind another car towing a caravan] He's going for Dingley Dell.
Tina : Chris, I want Dingley Dell.
Chris : I'm gonna get this bloody Dingley Dell.
Tina : Can't we go around it?
Chris : Just hold on, I'm gonna do it.
Tina : [whining in her grating Brummie accent] Go around them. Go around. Go that way.
Chris : I will, just wait there, wait...
Tina : Just go around it.
Chris : OK! Hold on.
[he puts his foot down and goes onto the grass alongside them]
Tina : Oh, Chris! Don't look at them, Chris.
Chris : Woohoo!
[he aggressively overtakes the other car and caravan, forcing it off the track]
Chris : Ha ha! Fuck you! I am the best. Get in.