- Bucky: We hold erection for king!
- Sterling Archer: Well, that's flattering. It's not really necessary.
- Noah: He means elections.
- Sterling Archer: I never even heard of that position. Did the missionaries not swing by here or... ?
- Rip Riley: Archer, what a coincidence; I was just talking about you.
- Sterling Archer: With who? Because that bucktoothed little shit doesn't even speak English.
- Bucky: I do little bit.
- Sterling Archer: No, you don't.
- Bucky: And correct syntax is "with whom".
- [while climbing down a hidden shaft in the pirate fortress]
- Sterling Archer: Where the hell does this go?
- Noah: I don't know. Down?
- Sterling Archer: Wow. You're only a doctoral candidate?
- Noah: Hey, guy? My field's anthropology.
- Rip Riley: [chuckling] Good luck with the job hunt.
- Sterling Archer: Right?
- Noah: Not that it's any of your business, but I plan to teach.
- Sterling Archer: Anthropology?
- Noah: What - yes!
- Rip Riley: To, uh, anthropology majors?
- Noah: Hey, you know what?
- Sterling Archer: Thus continuing the circle of "why bother?"
- Cyril Figgis: Do you know how hard I worked on this budget? Nights, weekends, cancelled my vacation, and, and now it's all wasted.
- Pam Poovey: Wasted. Exactly. Let's go be that. C'mon, happy hour at Pita Margarita's, chikka chikka chow.
- Cyril Figgis: Ugh, is that what it sounds like?
- Pam Poovey: Only if it sounds like a shitload of tequila and some A-rab hoagies.
- Malory Archer: How can you even think about happy hour at a time like this?
- [Malory takes a drink from a highball glass]
- Sterling Archer: Noah, I'm half drunk and slathered in every bodily fluid there is, so, yeah, this is about as pirate king-y as I'm going to get. Brief away.
- Noah: Pirates work for shares, and since you became a pirate king there hasn't been any booty, so...
- Sterling Archer: I'm going to go ahead and disagree with you there, buddy.
- Noah: From pirated ships.
- Sterling Archer: Oh, I thought you meant from all the...
- Noah: Native girls.
- Lana Kane: I mean, am I jealous because Archer gets preferential treatment? Yes! But, ha, am I still attracted to him? I mean, c'mon.
- Ray Gillette: Is a pig's ass pork?... I'm sorry, did you want to hear what I think or just what you want to hear?
- [Sips his drink]
- Ray Gillette: He asked pretty sarcastically.
- Noah: If the king loses to a challenger in one-on-one combat he has to step down, or just be dead.
- Sterling Archer: Since when?
- Noah: Oh, since nineteen always!