- Laura: Where are we gonna find vinegar in Holliston at midnight?
- Corri: Cumberland Farms is open 24 hours, right?
- Laura: What time does Market BASKET open?
- Corri: You mean MARKET Basket?
- Laura: Market BASKET.
- Corri: No the emphasis is on "market". MARKET Basket.
- Laura: Market BASKET.
- Corri: No, MARKET Basket.
- Laura: Market BasKET.
- Corri: MARKET, MARKET Basket.
- Laura: Market, Market BASKET.
- Corri: No, say "market". Market than Basket.
- Laura: Market, Market BASKET.
- Corri: It's MARKET Basket.
- Laura: Market BASKET.
- Corri: MARKET, MARKET, MARKET Basket!
- Laura: Market, Market, Market BASKET.
- Corri: Try whispering "basket".
- Laura: Market
- [whispered]
- Laura: basket.
- Corri: The emphasis isn't on "basket". Do you know what "emphasis" means?
- Laura: No.
- Corri: So say the first part loud.
- Laura: MARKET LOUD.
- Corri: What is this about? MARKET Basket. MARKET Basket.
- Laura: Market BASKET.
- Oderus Urungus: You smell rank. Kind of like a sewer rat feasting on the remains of a dead pregnant cat.
- Adam: I know. But... wait. Why did the dead cat have to pregnant?
- Oderus Urungus: I don't know. It just was.
- Adam: But that's sad.
- Oderus Urungus: Alright. It's just a dead cat.
- Adam: I need to get this smell off of me, help!
- Oderus Urungus: Very well.
- [Stands over the bathtub]
- Adam: Hey, what are you doing?
- Oderus Urungus: I'm going to pee on you.
- Adam: But that's for jelly fish stings.
- Oderus Urungus: Yes. Skunks get vinegar.
- Adam: Then why were you gonna pee on me?
- Oderus Urungus: Why not?
- Clerk: [Into the store's microphone] Hey, Mike. Um, I gotta get a price check on Miller's Douche. Autumn Leaves. It's two units. Five ounces. There's two girls up here and they're getting like fifteen boxes of douches. So that's like... seven and a half boxes of douches per girl. So that's like... I don't know, can you split a douche?
- Corri: [Grabs the microphone from him] I think he got it.
- Clerk: So, uh, what are you ladies up to tonight?
- Laura: Washing our Sarlacc Pits. What's your name?
- Clerk: They didn't give me a name. I'm just "Clerk".
- Corri: Really? That sucks for your credits.
- Clerk: I know. But I figure when I update my resume I'll just make up a name. I was thinking Detective McManus.
- Laura: Ooooh!
- Corri: Detective? That's awesome. That totally sounds like a lead.
- Clerk: Right?
- Corri: Or at least a co-star.
- Store patron: Hey, Babe. Feeling not so fresh?
- Corri: Actually, I am very fresh. Yeah, I am. My vagina? It smells like a mixture of high school and a brand new action figure right out of the package. In fact, it might just smell like the freshest thing you've ever smelled in your whole life. Only you'll never know for yourself. Now, if you have any more wise ass comments to make about my purchase step right up and say it now, Bitch!
- Adam: [Raising a straight razor to his chest and starting to cry] You're bad at skunks! Bad! Bad! You're so bad at skunks!
- Officer Pappas: Thanks for the tip, Clerk.
- Clerk: You're welcome, Police Officer number one.
- Officer Pappas: [Proudly displaying his badge] Actually, it's Officer Pappas.
- Clerk: Awww. Lucky.
- Officer Duffy: OK, one more time. Who exactly are these "friends"?
- Laura: [Crying] One of them is my boyfriend the other is her ex! Don't I get a last meal or something?
- Officer Pappas: That's for people on death row.
- Laura: Can I meet Morgan Freeman?
- Officer Duffy: What?
- Laura: I want my phone call! I get a phone call!
- Officer Pappas: Ladies, you're not under arrest.
- Corri: I'd like to speak to my lawyer.
- Officer Pappas: Really? Let's call him up right now. What's that phone number?
- Corri: Six one seven. Eight nine... twelve.
- Officer Pappas: Twelve?
- Officer Duffy: That's not even a number.
- Corri: This is ridiculous!
- Laura: I told you we should have gone to Market BASKET!
- Corri: MARKET Basket.
- Laura: Market BASKET!
- Corri: No, MARKET. Not Market BASKET. MARKET Basket.
- Laura: Market BASKET!
- Corri: No, whisper the Basket.
- Laura: Market
- [whispered]
- Laura: basket!
- Corri: No loud whispering! What's with the loud whispering? It's MARKET Basket!
- Laura: Market BASKET!
- Officer Duffy: Excuse me. The inflection would actually be on Market. So like MARKET Basket.
- Corri: See? MARKET Basket. MARKET Basket.
- Laura: Market BASKET!
- Officer Pappas: [Slams his fist on the desk] God damnit! Where's the whore house? Where do you turn tricks?
- Laura: [Holding out her hands] I suggest you cuff us first so that we don't jump out and run like last time. And you might want to put a Hannibal Lechter mask on this one.
- [Motioning to Corri]
- Laura: She bites.
- Corri: [to the police] Yeah, I don't know her.
- Laura: Whatever Kaiser Soze.
- Officer Duffy: Actually, it's Kaiser Soza.
- Laura: Whatever, fuck
- [Beeped out]
- Laura: you.
- Joe: What if the girls got into a horrible car accident?
- Adam: Way too serious of an event for the third episode.
- Joe: When did Jessie get addicted to speed?
- Adam: That was like season two episode nine.
- Joe: And when did Zac and Screech get into that drunk driving accident?
- Adam: Season four episode ten, dude.
- Joe: I guess you're right.
- Officer Duffy: My God, it stinks in here.
- Officer Pappas: That's the smell of sluts and the stink of sin. Let's go.
- Officer Pappas: You know what obstruction of justice is?
- Laura: You ever hear of wrongful detainment and sexual harassment?
- [Puts Officer Pappas' hand on her breast]
- Laura: Oh, Officer! I'm only fourteen!
- Lance Rockett: What's that smell?
- [Bends down to sniff his own crotch]
- Lance Rockett: I think it's me. Ten shows in a row, same pants.
- Lance Rockett: You guys and your horror movie crap. You'll grow out of it eventually.
- Adam: Funny, some people said about fans of Cinderella and Pretty Boy Floyd.
- Lance Rockett: Yo! Watch what you say about PBF.
- Adam: Sorry.
- Adam: Be careful, Boss.
- Lance Rockett: Oh, I'll be careful. But I won't be quick! Yeah! Watch out! Step back! You got, you got, you got what I need! Hey!