- After having a doctor's visit but then missing the call with the test results, Phil automatically jumps to conclusions and starts saying his goodbyes. Meanwhile Javier pops up unannounced again and takes Manny to the horse races for a belated birthday celebration, and a subtle competition ensues when Mitchell brings home an environmental law award and it becomes a game of who has the bigger trophy.—ABC Publicity
- Phil (Ty Burrell) is in for a checkup, forgetting he's not fooling the doctor when he sucks in his gut. The doctor wants to run some tests on a pain Phil had on his underarm. Then it's time to dim the lights and crank up the Norah Jones. In other words, it's drop-your-pants-and-bend-over time. Meanwhile, Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) and Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) thank Alex (Ariel Winter) for babysitting Lily while they were out accepting Mitchell's award from the California Bar Association for his work in environmental law. They were quite proud of it. (ALEX: I've had so many awards, I wouldn't get out of bed for one that size.) At Jay (Ed O'Neill) and Gloria's (Sofía Vergara), Jay has trouble with the mouse on his computer, which scared Gloria, since she had a dream about a black mouse, which in her country meant something bad was going to happen. No, it wasn't Manny (Rico Rodriguez) dressed like he just saw in . Javier (), Manny's father, came to visit. (and apparently causes Sofia's sweater to open up unexpectedly) Javier wanted to take Manny to the racetrack for the birthday he missed, and Gloria insisted Jay go with. Jay, of course, wanting to play golf. (JAVIER: Golf is for old men...and women who like women.)
As Cam added his trophy for winning a bass tournament as a kid in Missouri (North division) to the mantle to go along with Mitch's trophy from the Bar, Phil tried to find some of the razor blades he had from winning a lifetime supply of them when he was on a game show. (Admit it, you knew the words 'Phil' and 'game show' would eventually find each other.) While Phil was looking for his razor blades...of which Claire (Julie Bowen) couldn't care, as he got a fifteen-year supply of free shaving...his doctor wanted him to call back. Naturally, Phil can't reach him and begins to panic, as any sitcom character does when the doctor says to call them back. Claire assures him he's fine.
PHIL: That's very comforting coming from a marketing major at a party school.
At the track, Manny wants to bet on a horse called Miranda's Miracle, since there is a girl named Miranda at his school and it would be a miracle if she liked him. Javier thinks the horse, My Hometown, will win, regardless of what the racing form says, because he looked into the horse's eyes and was told he would win. Manny is convinced and puts his $2 on My Hometown. Meanwhile, Cam's trophy seems to have grown taller than Mitch's, and Mitch calls him out on it.
MITCHELL: OK, my trophy was given to me by my peers, while your trophy was given to you on a pier.
Cam fired back by saying he kept all of his trophies in the garage out of respect for Mitchell, who was awardless up until this point. And the one-upsmanship is underway. Alex comes over to retrieve her mobile phone and agrees with Mitchell, as Claire one time took a couple of participation ribbons Haley and Luke won and put them next to her big plaque.
MITCHELL: I was so glad I talked to Alex because she agreed with every single thing I was saying, and it made me realize I...was acting like a 14-year-old girl.
Gloria heads over to the Dunphys to teach Haley (Sarah Hyland) Spanish under protest. (HALEY: I live in California. I'm never going to use it.) It would be easier for her to study without Phil sitting there like he's dying because he thinks he is. And the hug was really creepy. Although Luke's (Nolan Gould) day with their 80-year-old neighbor, Walt (), was almost as scary, given they were playing videogames and Walt went off on Luke for not having his back.
LUKE: I'm sorry. I can't concentrate when my dad is staring at me.
PHIL: (wistful) I love you so much.
WALT: I hope he's talking to you.
When Phil started getting philosophical with Walt, Claire decided it was intervention time.
At the track, Manny and Javier were cleaning up and Jay hadn't won a thing. Tired of Javier's constant line of BS he was spewing, Jay decided to throw $300 on a horse picked to be the favorite. And he won...unti the horse was disqualified for interference. But Jay could take comfort: Manny gave him a couple of dollars for gas. Javier sends Manny off for a moment and Jay apologizes for going off on him. In truth, Jay sees Javier twice a year, and he knows that he isn't Manny's actual father. But he hates when Javier shows up because it reminds him of that unpleasant fact.
Mitchell felt so bad about what he did, he decided to get Cam's box of trophies out of the garage and put them up on the mantle. But of course, that mouse Gloria feared earlier chose to make its appearance right then and there, and now Cam had twice as many trophies as he did before.
Everybody went over to Phil and Claire's because Gloria saw that black mouse and thought Phil was in trouble. Now everybody, including Javier, were paying their respects. (Which, in Javier's world, means hitting on Claire.) Claire repeated to everybody that Phil's doctor called this morning and they simply missed it. Only Jay is not legitimately concerned, as doctors never call on a Saturday with good news. Except Dr. Sendoff (yes, that's his name) was only calling about a real estate deal; there was nothing wrong with Phil. Now if only Mitchell could get Cameron to stop staring at Javier's ass. (and to stop himself...)
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