- [from trailer]
- Nick Fury: The beam that hit you originated from the Tri-State Area.
- [an image appears on screen of a satellite shaped like Phineas' head]
- Spider-Man: Is that one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s?
- Nick Fury: No. It's theirs.
- [Phineas and Ferb appear on the screen working on something]
- Spider-Man: Man, that kid's got a weird-shaped head.
- [from trailer]
- Red Skull: Looks like we're going on an evil road trip.
- M.O.D.O.K.: Ooh, shotgun!
- Red Skull: YOU DO NOT FIT IN ZE SHOTGUN POSITION!
- [from trailer]
- Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [to Red Skull] Y'know, you really should use sunblock. Y-You're burned down to the bone.
- [from trailer]
- Candace: You guys wanna read my fan-fiction?
- Spider-Man: Sorry, but we're not allowed to read unsolicited material.
- [from trailer]
- Little Old Lady: [to the supervillains] Outta my way, you weirdoes!
- [from trailer]
- Spider-Man: Spider-Man smash!
- [Spidey smashes through the roof of the Googolplex Mall while Linda is outside listening on her headphones oblivious]
- Hulk: Was he makin' fun of me?
- Thor: A little, yes.
- [from trailer]
- Candace: Yo, heroes, got a little somethin' for ya!
- Spider-Man: *Some*body's been using their spider sense.
- Candace: I learned from the best, Spidey!
- [from trailer]
- Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [typing] "OMG! I drained all the powers from a group of superheroes all the way in New York >:D >:D >:D"
- [read as "peppy emoticon"]
- [from trailer]
- Hulk: [dressed in pots and pans and various appliances] Now I'm Iron Man!
- [the real Iron Man flies into the impostor]
- [from trailer]
- Major Monogram: This is director Nick Fury from S-H-I-E-L-D.
- Nick Fury: That's S.H.I.E.L.D.! It's an acronym.
- Major Monogram: Like "OWCA"?
- Nick Fury: Yes, except it's cool.
- [from trailer]
- Nick Fury: [on Perry] Is he some kind of super-platypus with super-platypus themed powers?
- Major Monogram: He has a fedora.
- [from trailer]
- Candace: [coming down the stairs] Alright, boys and girls, listen up, I'm in charge, so that means no shenanigans! Hey, Spider-Man. Duh-duh-duh-daaay?
- Spider-Man: 'Sup?
- Isabella Garcia-Shapiro: Well, I'll go after him then.
- Buford: Nah-nah, I'll go. You stay here, little girl, it might get ugly.
- Isabella Garcia-Shapiro: What, you don't think I can handle ugly? I've been hanging out with you all summer!
- Buford: Sticks and stones...