The Woods Are Real (2024) Poster

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2/10
Ugh...
nufercorey13 March 2024
Warning: Spoilers
I came into the movie thinking, ok, an independent, possibly supernatural thriller/horror featuring rich people getting messed with in the woods. Something I can wrapy head around. What I got was some kind of thinly veiled christian propaganda that would have been halfway decent to watch had it not been for the awful soundtrack, poor writing, and mid-level acting.

Generally speaking, ending a story like this usually includes maybe a lesson learned by those involved. Instead, the people who made the movie gave us one protagonist who murders his best friend, another who just totally finds it cool to sacrifice the fetus they're carrying for a religion they initially didn't believe in, and "god" rewarding them for attempting the sacrifice by, you guessed it, the Abraham special (ie, basically just saying "jk, don't do that" right before the guys swings a log at his wife's uterus). *Fade to black

But that wasn't enough. Instead, they finish with the protagonists back home in Brooklyn with the 8 year old the woman was apparently carrying the whole movie in her womb. It's his birthday, and as a special treat, daddy reads from the book of Job.

To be fair, the acting was pretty good aside from the "farm ladies" and the best friend at the beginning. But the writing painted the actors into some very tight, sometimes just awful corners. Not to mention making the entire point of the movie being redemption after sacrificing something you love, then just letting the two main characters off without sacrificing anything.

The woods ARE real, and this film should be buried in the most remote part...
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1/10
I fell for it again because it was sold to me under false pretence
ncoleby14 March 2024
Lat time I watched a christian film tricking you to watch it under the guise of horror/thriller, I sat through was just as empty and boring as this one. Fortunately I was doing some painting whilst this was on in the background.

At no point at all was it interesting, captivating or clever. Somehow I waited if there would be a twist. Nope. Just christians trying to reel you in under false pretences.

The camera work was quite good actually, the acting was dismal, even though the actors didn't have much to work with, so they did their best.

Why not make an overtly christian movie, with colour, love, proper story lines, teaching whilst being entertaining?

I watched some overtly christian films as a kid, like Jesus of Nazareth and found them highly interesting. Not enough to make me believe but I didn't get bored and it was entertaining historically. Plus I knew what it was about. No tricks needed.

Happy to say that I am still a non believer and even more so after this really bad excuse of veiled preaching. I don't like being duped.

Please just own up to it, put into the title or the description, that this is a christian film. I wonder why the makers of this movie haven't learned from their own film's meaning?
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1/10
another Christian propaganda movie
tschbw14 March 2024
It's true that not all horror films serve as mouthpieces for Christianity-there are even a few examples that condemn church leaders-but nearly any horror film that touches on the supernatural will either condemn the faithless ( The Conjuring, The Rite ), frame non-Jesus religions as spooky (The Wicker Man, The Exorcist, Sinister ), or claim that Biblical prophecy is coming to pass (Legion, The Omen). Even slasher films with no ties to religion often dabble in moralistic tropes against drugs, premarital sex, or doing anything the least bit salacious.

But this was a dull movie with no horror scenes. Simply horrible.
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4/10
That's a bit dull
keirondarbyshire13 March 2024
Having seen that the director doesn't do bad films, I kept sitting through it hoping to be enthralled & entertained, but it never came.

I got to the halfway point before giving up.

The story upto where I aborted was, couple host party, guest wears cake, invites them to the woods, they goto the woods, get lost, bloke in a mask steapsbthe wife, bloke gets lost again, finda a friend, finds some birds who can sing, has something to eat with them, "Oh Good God, this is boring, abort abort".

So at that point I gave up & read a book about a bird who lived in her own in the Dales. It was riveting. Unlike this.

If I can watch an entire film, but don't enjoy it, I give it a 5 because I watched it all.

This film, though of a high production quality, I'd possibly have given lower than a 4, but because of the coin spent on it, it gets a solid Four.
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1/10
Watch out for false reviews
hammond-31310 April 2024
The majority of high reviews are all accounts that were created 3 months ago, use generic names, and have only one review (this one). Coincidence? I think not. Beware the acclaim of those involved in production: they are but tooting their own horn.

Honestly, I couldn't even get past the opening scene. The acting is SO bad. Wooden performances of equally wooden dialogue. Not surprisingly, this is a "Christian movie" and like many of it's predecessors it values using actors of the faith over actually talented actors. I couldn't bear to slog through 65 more minutes of horrible acting so I turned it off.
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4/10
Christianity tale, Student-esq production
FixedYourEnding14 March 2024
Surprisingly, I managed to stay for the entire duration of this movie, so that's one thing that was going for it, however the production value is very low, looks like shot on an iphone without much direction and retakes. Even the cuts between the scenes is if done by a free editing software.

Surprisingly the acting is above average here, although the chemistry between the different actors is mediocre, as very common to this level of production quality, it does seem like the actors make an effort and care about their acting level and the characters they portray.

One major thing to remember coming in to see this movie is that this is a Christianity movie with ideas rotating around biblical and faith elements (such as the sacrifice of a son and others). If you are not familiar with the bible stories and expecting some hard-core horror movie you will be deeply disappointed. The value of this movie as action/horror is extremely low.

Overall I cannot really recommend this movie, all I can do is commend the actors and the director for producing a watchable movie for such low budget, but it is really a sub-par watch. Exact score: 4.4 / 10.
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10/10
Smart, strange
masaka-2931114 March 2024
Enjoyed this. Not for everyone, sure. But found myself really engaged in the performances and the really nice look of the film. At 80 minutes, it was surprising how much depth of thought the film packed in.

I'm sure it's not for everyone. It seems that to boost sales, the producers may have put up a scarier-than-actual poster image, which really only hints at one aspect of the film, which is far more nuanced than just some horned dude on a killing spree, which, if that floats your boat, no hate there. But this would not be the movie for you.

It's way more obscure and cool a piece. My husband and I really thought it was great.
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6/10
good, not great
cobyholt16 March 2024
This got passed around a lot the last few days, so i decided to check it out. Only 80 minutes - why the hell not? Starts cool - some interesting dialogue- i think i recognized one of the actors right away, maybe even another. Felt almost like this older indie movie called Compliance a few years back. Then it really starts to open up - once they get called to go upstate - cabin, yada yada. But then - to it's credit - the film gets kinda wild and weird. Not my cup of tea honestly - the philosophizing got to be sometimes to much for me - but the acting was honestly kinda great throughout and it really had a cohesive look. I recommend for folks looking for more a creepy meditation than anything else.
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10/10
THIS IS AWESOME
mylesjparrish15 March 2024
MY POOKIE BEAR SHAWN IS DIRECTING THIS. I WISH HIM THE BEST. SHAWN YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND VERY GOOD. Shawn is undeniably awesome. His charisma lights up any room, drawing people in with his infectious energy and genuine warmth. Whether it's his remarkable talent, his unwavering kindness, or his ability to lift spirits with a simple smile, Shawn leaves an indelible impression on everyone he meets. His passion for life is palpable, fueling his drive to succeed and inspiring those around him to reach for their own dreams. With Shawn, there's never a dull moment; his quick wit and sense of humor keep spirits high and laughter flowing freely. He's a true friend, always there to lend a listening ear or offer a helping hand without hesitation. Shawn's presence is like a ray of sunshine on even the cloudiest of days, reminding us all to embrace joy and live life to the fullest. In every way, Shawn embodies the essence of awesomeness, making the world a better place simply by being himself.
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7/10
meta horror
sagife-8059116 March 2024
Check it out.

I'd say the vibe of this is more the speed of someone looking for more than blood, guts, violence. If I had to compare it to something recently, I think the Invitation or actually that film - it Comes at Night. It's not a virus spreading or anything like that - but it's sort of this contagion of faith the characters are going through. And have to get out by any means necessary.

Did you like Squid Game? This is actually more on that track. A survival test. Or The Game from the 90s with the dude from wall street. Took my son to this when it played a festival here in Washington. He's in his teens, brought his friend, they both thought it was cool as well. Which surprsied me, becuase it's not an "easy" movie.
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10/10
Keeps you on the edge of your seat
mps36917 March 2024
This is a thriller that keeps you on the edge of your seat. The film creates a unique, visceral world that keeps you guessing in the best possible ways. What is real, what isn't? How much does my own perspective shape reality? I'm still thinking about it.

The cast gives vibrant, grounded performances in a story that spirals into psychologically terrifying realms. The impressive writing and directing make the unfamiliar feel familiar -- and turns the familiar into unsettling.

This is a perfect Friday night film -- provocative, bold, and original.

Great cinematography and soundtrack. Can't wait to see what these filmmakers do next.
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8/10
Good movie that confuses
nasifog14 April 2024
I felt like the movie was a step of ahead of me much of the time, which I really do like. It felt like a puzzle, more than a horror movie. Defintiely NOT a horror movie, despite some jump scares.

There's talk that this has some sort of christian agenda? Not feeling that. I think the approach of more of examination and questioning of one's moral beliefs than some jump-in-the-cult sorta screed.

That being said, I do with the film had solidified more of its thesis by the end. Some of the 3rd act felt confounding in a way that didn't illuminate, only confused.

Still, really good acting and intelligence behind the camera.
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8/10
Good movie to watch and think
leexclusive29 March 2024
Warning: Spoilers
I don't think this movie is for everyone. I stumbled on to this film by accident, and liked it. From the opening scene, which was beautiful,led way to a well developed spiritual film. A man was lost in life and found himself in the woods.

The reality of finding his purpose in the woods was questioned by the one's who said they "care" for him and say they believe in a higher power. And when he confronts and questions them and their way life, cake in the face. Once they accept the invitation, they to are tested and fate comes full circle. Ppl don't believe until they are faced with the same challenges or actually hear they higher power speak. Sounds like real life (past and present) to me

I give this movie a 8 only for it's classification. It's not a horror movie, it's life. It's civilization and spirituality, past and present.

But I'm just some guy..
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