Criminal Minds (TV Series)

Divining Rod (2012)

Matthew Gray Gubler: Dr. Spencer Reid

Quotes 

• Emily Prentiss : [Prentiss has bid on a house for sale]  I can't believe I'm doing it. I mean, it's probably not gonna work out anyway, right? There are five other sealed bids, and I offered way below what the owners are asking.

  Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau : Uh huh. Sounds to me like someone's hoping they don't get it.

  Dr. Spencer Reid : Orthophobia: fear of owning personal property.

  Emily Prentiss : No, I don't have a fear of owning stuff. Turn me loose in a shoe store, I'll prove that. My fear is personal property that weighs three hundred tons.

  Dr. Spencer Reid : Actually, depending on materials used, square footage, and horizontal versus vertical construction, the average house only weighs about sixty tons.

  Emily Prentiss : [sarcastically]  Well, thanks for that, Reid. I feel light as a bird already.

• David Rossi : [gazing at Spencer]  I never could do that.

  Emily Prentiss : Do what?

  David Rossi : Take a nap. Never felt natural.

  Dr. Spencer Reid : I'm actually wide awake, but for future reference, polyphasic sleep is completely natural, quite common in the animal world, and highly beneficial.

• Derek Morgan : What do we got, baby girl?

  Penelope Garcia : Thank you, sir. We have a killing in Enid, Oklahoma, and not the capital punishment one you are thinking of right now. I'm talking about a woman named Cara Smith, who was murdered in her apartment minutes after the execution of Rodney Garrett.

  Aaron Hotchner : A neighbor saw her front door open and discovered the body.

  David Rossi : Look familiar?

  Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau : Young, pretty, short blonde hair.

  David Rossi : And stabbed directly through the heart.

  Dr. Spencer Reid : That's exactly the way Garrett killed his victims.

  Derek Morgan : So are we looking at a copycat?

  Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau : Or someone creating doubt the right person was executed.

  David Rossi : In Garrett's case, there was no doubt. His guilt was the slam dunk of all slam dunks. Prints, DNA, a confession.

  Dr. Spencer Reid : He even led police to where he buried two of his victims.

  Emily Prentiss : Garrett killed twenty-five women before he was caught. If this new unsub is a copycat, body count's just started.

• Emily Prentiss : [browsing through mail Garrett received in prison]  Get a load of this one. "Dear Mr. Garrett, it took a lot of courage to do what you did. Most people are cowards and don't do what they feel inside them. You are an inspiration, and I applaud you."

  [scoffs] 

  Emily Prentiss : "I applaud you."

  David Rossi : These are supposed to be the non-wacko letters.

  Penelope Garcia : Hey, guess what? JJ's genius has struck again. That hunch about the hair was right. I'm sending you an ATM image of Cara Smith. She's the first victim. This was taken ten hours before her murder. Check it.

  Detective Childers : The unsub cut her hair, too.

  Dr. Spencer Reid : You know, there could be a sexual element involved. Trichophilia is a fetish where one becomes aroused by the removal of hair.

  Derek Morgan : Well either way, it's starting to look less like a copycat. The unsub's deviating too much from Garrett's M.O. Garrett never took trophies.

• Derek Morgan : Hey, say it like you mean it, baby.

  Penelope Garcia : Yon know, I'm gonna. So, if you look in the dictionary, the word "normal," you will see Cara Smith. College student, uh, well-liked, straight A's, English lit. major. Ooo, speaking of which, I just got a transcript of Rodney Garrett's last words, hot off the press - and a gold star to the first person who can identify the source of this: "She comes like fullest moon on happy night. Taper of waist..."

  Dr. Spencer Reid : "... With shape of magic might." It's from The Thousand and One Nights. Not the exact translation that I would have used, but it's got its own merits.

  Emily Prentiss : And in a shocking non-upset, we have a winner.

  David Rossi : Garrett was sixth-grade dropout, an unlikely guy to be quoting from a Harvard Classic.

• Emily Prentiss : There was definitely something a little strange about her.

  Aaron Hotchner : It's curious, one woman at the center of two serial killers.

  Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau : Yeah, what are the odds of that?

  Dr. Spencer Reid : Astronomical. By removing from the calculations serial killer groupies...

  Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau : Sorry I asked.

  Derek Morgan : You know, whether she knew it or not, maybe Helen Garrett did give Dylan something. I mean, someone once said that every seed, even malignant ones, they won't grow unless they get water from someplace.

• Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau : [Investigating the latest victim]  Hey, Spence, look at this.

  Dr. Spencer Reid : What is it?

  Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau : I mean, this... this girl obviously cares about her a-appearance. I mean, she's fit and her nails are perfectly done, but look at her hair. It's uneven.

  Dr. Spencer Reid : Could it maybe be a fashion statement? You know, bad on purpose?

• Aaron Hotchner : He's killed at 6 AM, noon, and 6 PM.

  Dr. Spencer Reid : I don't know about you guys, but I not feeling so good about the stroke of midnight.

• [the last words from executed serial killer Rod Garrett were quotes from "The Thousand and One Nights"] 

  Dr. Spencer Reid : The book is all about how Scheherazade forestalled her own death at the hands of the king by regaling him night after night with stories.

  Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau : But in the end she won him over, right? The king found love and he decided not to execute her.

  David Rossi : Not a strategy likely to work with the Oklahoma Department of Corrections.