- Lance Rockett: Well boys, I've got worse news than when Sebastian Bach left Skid Row after the Subhuman Race Tour.
- Joe: Laura, we're giving him a script not a lap dance.
- Laura: This is the only costume I had. Remember, you bought this for me when you got tired of the sexy crab fisherman outfit?
- Adam: Sexy crab fisherman?
- Laura: Sometimes Joe likes to play Deadliest Catch role-play. Whenever they pull out an empty cage I have to pull Joe out of...
- Adam: OK, OK. Got it.
- Kane Hodder: How YOU doing?
- Laura: Ahoy.
- Joe: Wrong role-play!
- Laura: Oh, I mean... time for your enema.
- Joe: Not now.
- Oderus Urungus: Adam, don't you know that if men didn't take advantage of people in fragile emotional states than no babies would ever be born!
- Kane Hodder: Adam?
- Oderus Urungus: Dude, that guy's built like a truck!
- Kane Hodder: I'm sad. Can I sleep with you?
- Oderus Urungus: And wicked gay!
- Lance Rockett: Hey, if you like rock n roll, check out my band Dyver Down! Monday night, Olive Garden, South Attleboro - it will change your life! Yeah!
- Kane Hodder: I don't have any friends. I'm not even "Jason" anymore. Now I'm gonna get stuck doing shitty Friday the 13th rip offs with wannabe young directors who think they're making "the next horror icon".
- Adam: Nice ad-lib, Dick.
- Kane Hodder: You like that?
- Joe: Dude! We did it! We're making a short film with two living horror icons! Kane's feeling better...
- Adam: I'm gonna marry Danielle Harris...
- Laura: I finished my painting, "Piggly No Wiggly"...
- Corri: And I... wait, what good thing happened for me?
- Laura: You got a Bon Bon Bum! Don't worry. They're fat free.