Photos
Quotes
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Adam : See? That's why I'm like KIX cereal. Little boys - no, Mom's love me.
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Crazy Max : Lately I'm feeling like people aren't taking me seriously.
Lance Rockett : Are you kidding? That one where you dressed up like a Medieval Knight rocked harder than Europe on The Final Countdown Tour!
Adam : That's what I was gonna say, too. Except not... like that, and not... in spandex.
Crazy Max : Who's Europe?
Lance Rockett : Have a seat in my office, Max. I've got their first three albums on vinyl. Joey Tempest's voice will change your life!
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Oderus Urungus : If I had a daughter I would much rather her marry Joe than you. At least Joe's a real man. You're like an even gayer Hobbit.
Adam : Well, I don't want to screw over Laura with her parents, you know? But I also have an obligation to Joe and he wants me to mess up pretty big in front of them, you know, so they won't like me as much. But I don't want to screw up TOO big and have them like REALLY not like me. I just wanna screw up like just enough so that Joe can step in and then maybe they'll sorta like him more, you know?
Oderus Urungus : See? Even gayer Hobbit.
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Oderus Urungus : Alright, here's what you do. Punch Laura in the face, just smash her across the kisser right in front of her Dad and then say "Woman, go get me a beer!"
Adam : I don't hit women.
Oderus Urungus : Well neither do I... But I understand it.
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Adam : How did it go with John Anguish?
Corri : Terrible. He was so mean. He said that he thought that I was dumpy in High School and that I was a stuck up bitch for a chubby girl. He said I dress like a stripper and that I stick out my boobs to hide my ugly face. And he said that I'd never find happiness because I broke up with you.
Adam : Well sometimes the truth hurts.
[Off of Corri's angry look]
Adam : Sometimes. Not all of it. I like... I like your boobs AND your face.
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John Anguish : Adam, the reason why i used to beat you up is because I was jealous of you.
Adam : ...Go on.
John Anguish : I didn't get it exactly but girls liked you and you seemed so happy with Corri and everything. You had everything and I had nothing even though you're like an even gayer Hobbit.
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Joe : I'm sorry that your life is in the shitter and I hope and pray that you find whatever peace you're looking for, I honestly do. But I'm not gonna sit here and let some asshole from my past cut me down AGAIN just to make himself feel better.
John Anguish : [to himself] One day at a time, man. One day at a time.
Joe : You are a dick. But you know what I've learned? There's a lot of dicks out there. Like John Landis. But not me and not this dick.
[He points at Adam]
Joe : We are gonna get SHINPADS made.
John Anguish : SHINPADS?
Adam : "When they score... you die."
John Anguish : [to himself] Let go and let God. Let go and let God, man.
Joe : You made fun of me every day. But guess who's laughing now? ME! Let's get out of here.
Adam : Oh... and if you ever make Corri cry again...? I'll cut out your tongue and shove it up your ass. OK? OK.
[Adam slowly pushes the open beer in front of John Anguish's face]
Adam : Honesty.
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Adam : I can't do this, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I... am an even gayer Hobbit.
Laura's Dad : What's a Hobbit?
Adam : I like men. I'm into guys and, and... second breakfast...
Laura : -Enough!
Adam : -Oh, thank God.
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Laura's Dad : Do you love my daughter?
Adam : Well... I mean love's a pretty broad word, you know what I'm saying? It's like, I love a lot of things. I love ARMY OF DARKNESS, I love my Jenna Haze fleshlight, I love, um...
Laura : Corri.
Adam : C- Corri. Who's- what?
