- Mrs. Mary Lou Moira Angela Darling Helperman: By the way, I hope you'll excuse me for staring at your dress all the way through our conference. It's just that, I used to have one exactly like it.
- Spot Helperman: [as Mrs. Leadready] Oh. Really? Well...
- [He clears his throat]
- Spot Helperman: I guess they must have sold a lot that year.
- Mrs. Mary Lou Moira Angela Darling Helperman: I certainly had to put mine out in the rat bin because it had a huge hole in the back.
- [Spot notices the hole in the back of his dress with his tail sticking out and covers it]
- Spot Helperman: [as Mrs. Leadready] Well, you certainly can't go walkin' around with a huge hole! Now can ya?
- [He grins sheepishly]
- Spot Helperman: Dilemma: Scott should have a fashionable mother. Someone who's not afraid to show a little leg. But... would her knees be this scabby?
- [He shudders]
- Spot Helperman: I guess we'll have to go with the less stylish mid-calf length to hide the scabs. Oh, well. We'll just draw the eye away from the problem area with a bold scarf statement. Pretty Boy! Be a dear and fly me over that polka dot number.
- Pretty Boy: This is sick.
- Leonard Amadeus Helperman: Yeah! I keep telling him! Boys are not meant to play their dog's mother.
- Pretty Boy: No, I'm talking about a polka dot scarf with a floral dress. I'm retchin' here from a clash already!
- [Mr. Jolly blows a raspberry]
- Mr. Jolly: Since when are you Mr. Fashion?
- Pretty Boy: Since they started papering my cage with the Style section, Smart Guy.
- [Leonard and Spot have arrived at the Parent-Teacher conference wearing the same getup]
- Leonard Amadeus Helperman: What are *you* doing here?
- Spot Helperman: What am *I* doing here? What are *you* doing here? The last thing I recall you saying was, "La, la, la, la, la, la, la, I don't hear you! I'm not doing this!"
- Leonard Amadeus Helperman: Well, it's a woman's prerogative to change his mind. Besides, you're my best friend.
- [One of his fake breasts slips]
- Leonard Amadeus Helperman: I gotta help you no matter what.
- Spot Helperman: Oh, Leonard. That's is so...
- [Leonard's other fake breast slips out and bounces across the hallway]
- Spot Helperman: BALL!
- [Spot leaps across the hallway and deftly catches the ball in his mouth, bringing it back to Leonard]
- Spot Helperman: I can't believe you used one of my toys.
- Leonard Amadeus Helperman: What took you so long?
- Spot Helperman: You try pulling a zipper up your back with a pair of paws!
- Spot Helperman: No, that's not right... I wear the heels with the hair and the sneakers with the shorts. Or is it the sneakers with the heels and the hair with the shorts? Oh, Leonard, I don't know what to do. I think I bit off more than I could chew.
- Leonard Amadeus Helperman: Yeah. Playing three different personalities is kind of a lot.
- Spot Helperman: Not the personalities. The bacon liver wraps. I should have stopped at six. Uh-oh, now the kitchen's starting to spin. I WANT MY MOMMY!
- Leonard Amadeus Helperman: Well, I guess if a dog can go to school, shouldn't be surprised you can sing.
- Spot Helperman: And beautifully.
- Principal Crosby Strickler: Leonard Helperman, why are you wearing a dress?
- [Leonard hesitates]
- Leonard Amadeus Helperman: [trembling] Uh... uh...
- Spot Helperman: [adopting a falsetto and a Southern accent] Why, sir, the young man was just telling me about the marvelous research paper he's doing on gender roles in our society. He's quite a credit to this school.
- Leonard Amadeus Helperman: He bought it! That was genius! Pure genius!
- Spot Helperman: Yeah, well, Principal Strickler's a pushover for a gorgeous woman like me.