- Vice Admiral Beau "Cylone" Simpson: This is Rear Admiral Bates. I'm Vice Admiral Beau "Cyclone" Simpson.
- Self - Host: That is an awesome name.
- Vice Admiral Beau "Cylone" Simpson: I know.
- Adm. Solomon 'Warlock' Bates (segment: Jimmy's Oscars95 Hosting Pitch): We've summoned you here today to talk about the Oscars.
- Self - Host: I have to admit I wasn't expecting to be asked to host again.
- Vice Admiral Beau "Cylone" Simpson: Well, let me be perfectly clear: you were not my first choice. Or my second choice. Or my third, fourth, fifth, or eleventh choice. In fact, we asked a lot of people before you.
- Self - Host: Well, I'd rather not know who they were...
- Vice Admiral Beau "Cylone" Simpson: Let me tell you: Whoopi Goldberg, Tina Fey, Jon Stewart, Chris Rock.
- Adm. Solomon 'Warlock' Bates (segment: Jimmy's Oscars95 Hosting Pitch): Letterman, Leno, Arsenio, Magic Johnson, Chevy Chase, a child dressed as a pirate.
- Self - Host: Well, those are pretty good...
- Vice Admiral Beau "Cylone" Simpson: Steve Martin, Steve Carell, Steve Buscemi, Steve Austin, Steve Seagal, Steve Urkel, Steve from "Blue's Clues." That's just the Steves.
- Self - Host: Did you ask Steve Harvey?
- Adm. Solomon 'Warlock' Bates (segment: Jimmy's Oscars95 Hosting Pitch): *Begged* Steve Harvey.