- Reinhold: Don't worry. If there is one thing Germans don't do, it's hold a grudge.
- Abed Nadir: Unless we're talking about Die Hard 3.
- Jeff Winger: Or the 20th century.
- Jeff Winger: I really am Hitler.
- Shirley Bennett: Yeah.
- Pierce Hawthorne: So it's just decided? No vote or anything.
- Troy Barnes: I hate this. I wish there was a way that we could make it up to people.
- Jeff Winger: That's it! We need to make reparations. We have to start giving back, because Greendale has given us so much. It gave us the study room. And that study room is our home. But our home is more than those four walls. And our family is more than the seven of us. It's all of Greendale. And everyone deserves to have what we have.
- [after they finished the study room makeovers]
- Jeff Winger: What do you know? Greendale just got slightly better.
- Annie Edison: Jeff, it's just a little table in the corner of the room. Why don't we just let them have it?
- Jeff Winger: Because that's called appeasement. And everyone knows if you give the Germans something small, like the study room or Austria, they end up wanting something big, like Earth.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Jeff's right. If there were more people in the world like Annie, we'd all be speaking Vietnamese right now.
- [Annie gasps in shock]
- Pierce Hawthorne: That was my war. I had flashbacks for years.
- Shirley Bennett: Pierce, you moved to Canada.
- Pierce Hawthorne: And it was hell. Those people call ham "bacon".
- Jeff Winger: Many years ago, before the concept of "too soon" existed, there was a show about a bunch of goofy Nazis running a prison camp. And that show was called...
- Abed Nadir: Hogan's Heroes?
- Jeff Winger: Hogan's Heroes. And while, for a latchkey kid with no jewish friends, it was a bit desensitizing, it still taught me that the lovable misfits always win. And the bumbling Germans always lose. All we need is a clever ruse. Strike that. All we need is a ruse.
- Abed Nadir: You had me at "ruse."
- Jeff Winger: That was the last thing I said.
- Abed Nadir: Good thing you said it.
- Jeff Winger: Uh, guys? This is our study room. Please leave, and take that mushroom cloud of drakkar with you.
- Karl: Why must he hurt so with his vords? He's like a less funny Hans Rickles.
- Jeff Winger: I'm not here to argue, Anglojerkels. Beat it!
- Troy Barnes: Ohhh! Someone must have changed the channel to USA, 'cause I just watched a burn notice... Who's Angela Jerkels?
- Reinhold: Guten luck on the examination. Ve vill be preparing for it in study room "F", as in "Fictory".
- Jeff Winger: Quick impression.
- [Pretends to baby cry]
- Jeff Winger: "Wah." Who am I? You guys.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Ha! Dead on.
- Abed Nadir: Look, 12 o'clock. The "History of Ice Cream" class is letting out.
- Garrett Lambert: It's as informative as it is delicious!
- Britta Perry: That class should've been ours. I hear the final is a sundae bar.
- Troy Barnes: I don't get history. If I wanted to know what happened in Europe a long time ago, I'd watch Game of Thrones.
- Dean Pelton: Let me get this as straight as I can get things. You authorized this? After everything that happened last year?
- Carl: Hear us out. They offered money.
- Security Guard: There a problem here?
- Jeff Winger: Yeah, there's a problem. These dussle-dorks won't leave our study room.
- Troy Barnes: Nice!
- [quietly to Annie]
- Troy Barnes: I don't understand any of these puns. I think I need to learn history.
- Security Guard: Do you have a sign-in sheet?
- Jeff Winger: You're asking for our papers?
- [security nods in response]
- Jeff Winger: I thought this was America, not Arizona.
- Annie Edison: This whole time, we thought the Germans were the Germans. But it turns out, *we're* the Germans.
- Dean Pelton: Greendale's a forgiving place.
- Annie Edison: It really is.
- Dean Pelton: Please keep that in mind the next 20 seconds. Remember that people can "Chang".
- Jeff Winger: [This phrasing causes concern] People can what?
- Ben Chang: [Enters] Hi, I'm Kevin.
- Jeff Winger, Annie Edison, Abed Nadir, Shirley Bennett, Britta Perry, Troy Barnes, Pierce Hawthorne: [All screaming] AHHHHHH!
- Dean Pelton: He has Changnesia.
- Reinhold: Something is clearly up.
- Annie Edison: Please, these are just small tokens of our friendship.
- Reinhold: Oh, come on. Dirndls, blutwurst, luftballons. A cartoonishly large cake. This is a ruse. It is exactly like an episode of Hogan's Villains.
- Dr. Kedan: It's not uncommon for victims of memory loss to experience some syntactical confusion. Thus the inappropriate insertion of his name into an unrelated phrase.
- Dean Pelton: No, he's always Dean that.
- Dean Pelton: Did it ever occur to you that this man is a psychopath who may be faking his own Changnesia? Oh, now he has me saying it. Am-Dean-sia.
- Britta Perry: Hate to say it, but this is what happens when a group of people blindly follows a charismatic, golden-throated leader.
- Jeff Winger: Are you actually comparing me to Hitler?
- [Abed, Troy and Britta all speak at once]
- Britta Perry: Just a little.
- Troy Barnes: Yeah...
- Abed Nadir: There are similarities.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Hang on. Nobody's even willing to consider that I might be the Hitler of this group?
- Dean Pelton: Here at Greendale, that is a big, fat no-no. We frown on anyone celebrating their own cultural heritage. I mean, if the Hasidic student union wants to host a Kwanzaa celebration, you go, Jews! Hanukkah? No, sir. It's why I keep a detailed list of every student's race and nationality... to prevent racism and nationalism.
- Professor Cornwallis: [enters lunch room where study group is sitting at a booth] Ah! There you people are. I believe we have something to discuss.
- Jeff Winger: Oh, my God. You clever British bastard. You set this whole thing up to teach us a lesson.
- Professor Cornwallis: What?
- Jeff Winger: Making the school pretend to hate us, to show us that one man's hero is another man's villain. Of course! We aren't Nazis.
- [group laughter]
- Jeff Winger: I tip my cap to you, sir. Lesson learned.
- Professor Cornwallis: Are you actually suggesting that a Professor at Greendale would set up an elaborate ruse just to teach seven students a lesson?
- Jeff Winger, Annie Edison, Troy Barnes, Abed Nadir, Shirley Bennett, Britta Perry, Pierce Hawthorne: [overlapping acknowledgement] Uh, yes. Yeah. Yes. That's a Wednesday.
- Professor Cornwallis: Oh, my God. I've made a terrible mistake coming here.
- Annie Edison: So this wasn't part of the class? Then why are you here?
- Professor Cornwallis: Because you had a test today, and you all missed it! *Fs* for everyone!
- Shirley Bennett: Oh.
- Professor Cornwallis: Maybe it's not too late to get out of my contract.
- [exits]
- Professor Cornwallis: And that failed ventriloquist's name was Slobodan Milosevic.
- students: [overlapping acknowledgement] Ohh.
- Professor Cornwallis: For the essay portion of your test on Monday, you will be asked to describe a historical battle from the perspectives of both the winners and the losers. *No dioramas*.
- students: [groan]
- Britta Perry: [enters wearing a revealing Dirndl and carrying a tray of German sausages] Care for some authentic blutwurst? This stuff's the real deal. We got it down in little Munich.
- [whispers]
- Britta Perry: It's been banned by the FDA.
- Karl: Ooh!
- [takes a blutwurst from the tray]
- Reinhold: No, Karl! That blutwurst was probably injected with a laxative to make us pull a Grete Waitz in our trousers.
- Britta Perry: I promise you, there's nothing gross in this sausage. It's just pig's blood stuffed into a cow's intestine.
- Troy Barnes, Abed Nadir: [vocalizing] Beep, boop, bink, bing, bow!
- Troy Barnes: And you know what that sound is.
- Troy Barnes, Abed Nadir: It's the Troy and Abed Podcast.
- Abed Nadir: Sponsored by Shirley's Sandwiches, home of the fried chicken skin wrap.
- Troy Barnes: Is it inside? Is it outside? You find out. Okay, our guest today is from Germany, Europe.
- Abed Nadir: Karl, guten tag. How are you doing?
- Karl: Sehr gut.
- Abed Nadir: Great. Now's the part of the show where we get real. Friendship, loyalty, betrayal, redemption.
- Karl: Is this an apology?
- Abed Nadir: Yes. And for being a guest on the show today, we want you to have this.
- Troy Barnes: It's a gift certificate to Shirley's Sandwiches, home of the triple-fried monte cristo. We challenge you to taste the bread.
- Karl: This coupon is a $5 bill.
- Abed Nadir: Well, that's all the time we have today. For Troy Barnes, I'm Abed Nadir.
- Troy Barnes: And for Abed Nadir, I'm Troy Barnes.
- Troy Barnes, Abed Nadir: And we're out.
- Abed Nadir: Thanks so much for doing this.
- Karl: So will you be on my podcast tomorrow?
- Troy Barnes: We've got a thing.
- Abed Nadir: Beep, boop, bow!
- [presses key on laptop, smooth jazz begins playing]