- Jeff Fischer: Cool, a new imaginary friend! I've got so much to tell you! Did you know Keyser Soze was Kevin Spacey?
- Roger the Alien: I did. I've known that for about 15 years now.
- Stan Smith: [after Jeff finds out that Roger is an alien] And now that you know, to protect this family, I have to kill either you or Roger.
- Hayley Smith: Dad, no! I love him!
- Roger the Alien: Thank you. The feeling's not mutual, I find you a little doughy, but...
- Hayley Smith: Not you! Jeff!
- Jeff Fischer: Mr. Smith, no one has to die! I promise I won't tell anyone! I swear! I swear on my promise!
- Stan Smith: That's not what people say, Jeff.
- Roger the Alien: [when he's about to go back to his home planet] Do I have to go? My planet's freezing cold, there's no booze and sex is so boring up there. It's all consensual.
- Hayley Smith: [after Jeff gets sent to space instead of Roger] What the hell just happened? My Jeff. My dear, sweet...
- Roger the Alien: Hurry up, Hayley. You're sitting in the middle.