- Grampa Simpson: [as Gorgeous Godfrey] You are the luckiest people in the world: you get to look at me!
- Homer Simpson: Why are you reading on such a beautiful day when there's TV to watch.
- Lisa Simpson: Well, it is the golden age of well-written, well-acted television.
- Homer Simpson: Pfft! Writing is for bathroom walls and acting is for getting out of speeding tickets. Television was created to watch white trash men do made-up jobs.
- Homer Simpson: [Marge is crying] Marge, what's wrong?
- Marge Simpson: I so wanted your father to be gay.
- Grampa Simpson: On VE Day I kissed a man by mistake.
- Marge Simpson: Thank you.
- Homer Simpson: My father was not gay! He was just a man whose wife left him because he didn't show her love or attention.
- [Beat]
- Homer Simpson: Oh, my gay dad is gay for gays!
- Lisa Simpson: Why do you think bad guys are so cool?
- Bart Simpson: Why do *you* still have a thing for Nelson?
- Lisa Simpson: Do not! That's ridiculous! It's just... It's that... He, uh, he's a rebel, and only I can change him!
- Homer Simpson: Should I really let the men who ruined my past and present hang out with the kid who's going to ruin my future?
- Bart Simpson: I'll bring you home my dessert.
- Homer Simpson: Text me the choices.
- Marge Simpson: It's so sad that Grampa has to cheat instead of relying on his God-given wrestling skills. What kind of person revels in disapproval?
- Bart Simpson: What kind of person indeed?