Community (TV Series)
Intro to Felt Surrogacy (2013)
Chevy Chase: Pierce Hawthorne
Photos
Quotes
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[the group members are sharing their secrets]
Jeff Winger : I found the perfect girl for me, and then I met her kid.
[the characters break out in song]
Jeff Winger : I said it didn't bother me, but truthfully it did. I promised him I'd make it to a baseball game he had. But I bailed and never called again, and now I'm just exactly like my dad.
Britta Perry : I am an activist, that's always been my choice. Truth is I've never voted, except when I watch The Voice.
Annie Edison : I was struggling in history, I'm normally the best. I let Cornwallis rub my feet to give me all the answers to a test.
Troy Barnes : I caused the Greendale Fire of '03. Fifty-five acres went up in a blaze, all because I burned an ant hill.
Jeff Winger , Britta Perry , Annie Edison , Troy Barnes , Abed Nadir , Shirley Bennett : This secret inside me was trapped beyond a doubt. And now my most terrible secret's out.
Balloon Guide : [in a normal voice] There you are. Come on, guys.
Pierce Hawthorne : [singing] I've never slept with the great Eartha Kitt. We dry-humped inside of her tour bus.
Jeff Winger , Britta Perry , Annie Edison , Troy Barnes , Abed Nadir , Shirley Bennett , Pierce Hawthorne : This secret inside me was trapped beyond a doubt.
Jeff Winger : And now my most terrible secret's out.
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Shirley Bennett : Oh, Heaven, help us.
Annie Edison : We must be a mile above the ground.
Pierce Hawthorne : That's international airspace. We're literally above the law. Jeff can marry any man he wants.
Jeff Winger : Wait a second, guys. I think we're starting to go down.
Shirley Bennett : [Looking at Britta] You see? Prayer works.
Britta Perry : So does gravity, Shirley.
Shirley Bennett : And you know who invented gravity, right?
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Jeff Winger : Let's put a pin in the mysteries of the universe convo until we land.
Abed Nadir : Which will be sooner than we thought. We're gaining speed fast, people. Oh! Brace for impact
Shirley Bennett : Oh, damn you, gravity!
Britta Perry : Damn you, prayer!
Pierce Hawthorne : Damn you, Vicki!
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Jeff Winger : We've had the same conversation a million times. I guess we're kind of stuck in a...
Troy Barnes , Britta Perry , Annie Edison , Shirley Bennett , Pierce Hawthorne , Abed Nadir : Rut?
Jeff Winger : Yes. But to be fair, there's not many things you could be stuck in.
Annie Edison : Elevators.
Shirley Bennett : Bad marriages.
Annie Edison : A peat bog.
Pierce Hawthorne : On a flight in the middle seat.
Abed Nadir : Time loops.
Britta Perry : The bottom of a well.
Troy Barnes : Your own emotions.
Abed Nadir : Quicksand.
Troy Barnes : Traffic.
Pierce Hawthorne : The middle of a lonely desert island...
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Pierce Hawthorne : Oh, look. A downstream.
[gasps, pulls the blast valve cord which causes the balloon to rise rapidly]
Troy Barnes , Jeff Winger , Britta Perry , Annie Edison , Abed Nadir , Shirley Bennett : Pierce! No! Whoa!
Troy Barnes : If we fly to heaven, please don't tell my grandpa about me and Britta.