- Barney Stinson: You know, I'm not worried about a wildcard anymore, whether its Uncle Vick, Aunt Shelley, or the ring-bear.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Ringbear-*er*!
- Barney Stinson: If any of those mammals go rogue, our wedding's gonna be Legendary.
- Robin Scherbatsky: No wait for it?
- Barney Stinson: I've got you. I don't have to wait for it anymore.
- The Mother: Hey, are you okay? You look stressed. Plus, you muttered a few words out loud. I heard "lonely" and "unicorn", which actually gave me a great idea for a children's book, so... thank you. Are you okay?
- Lily Aldrin: No, but there's nothing you can do.
- The Mother: Do you wanna cookie?
- [Offers a container of cookies]
- Lily Aldrin: Yes... yes I do!
- [Grabs a cookie]
- The Mother: Whoa! You just took a cookie from a complete stranger on a train. I like how trusting you are. There could be drugs or poison in there.
- Lily Aldrin: [With her mouth full] But there's not, is there?
- The Mother: No idea, I found them under my seat.
- [Lily spits out cookie]
- The Mother: No! Kidding! Sorry! You looked stressed so I thought you could use a cookie and then I thought you could use a joke, I should have stopped at the cookie.
- Lily Aldrin: You know what? I don't care if these are poisoned. There's chocolate and peanut butter and caramel in these sumbitches.
- The Mother: I call them sumbitches!
- Narrator: ...And that's how Lily met your mother.
- Ted Mosby: You're not gonna tackle me again, are you?
- Lily Aldrin: I'm the maid of honor, there's a good chance that won't be my only tackle of the weekend.
- Narrator: It wasn't.
- The Mother: [about Ted's slow driving] That would drive me crazy. I would give him an embarrassing nickname until he stops driving like a little girl.
- Narrator: It was Lady Tedwina Slowsby. And it worked.
- Lily Aldrin: That locket's trouble.
- Ted Mosby: How? It's-it's just a friendly, innocent wedding gift.
- Lily Aldrin: It's not innocent. Ted, you think if you can get that locket for Robin you'll win her back.
- Ted Mosby: Lily, I've let it go. I mean What? There's, like, a one percent chance that Stella has the locket from when we lived together.
- Lily Aldrin: Ted. Promise me you didn't call the woman who *left* you at the altar so that you could find that locket.
- Ted Mosby: Of course not. I e-mailed her.
- Lily Aldrin: Ted!