2 Broke Girls (TV Series)
And the Worst Selfie Ever (2013)
Beth Behrs: Caroline Channing
Photos
Quotes
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Caroline Channing : My new sheets from the Under A Dollar store feel so luxurious. Like maybe they could cost over a dollar. Maybe even two or three.
Max Black : Yup. It was a good day over at the Under A Dollar. Steak, bed stuff and my new steak-eating chair.
Caroline Channing : Doesn't it worry you that you got meat and furniture for the price of an Angry Birds update?
Max Black : Yeah, it worries me that it'll never happen again. Sheets and steak? Never dare to dream it.
Caroline Channing : These sheets smell amazing too. Thanks to that one little fabric softener ball, also under a dollar.
Max Black : I dated a guy with one ball once. He was all self-conscious, but I told him, "No big deal, it's just as ugly as two."
Caroline Channing : I am gonna get such a good night...
[Caroline pulls back the bed sheet, ripping it]
Caroline Channing : Oh, sheet!
[Caroline runs to the box and reads it]
Caroline Channing : "Thread count: yes. Washing instructions: Do not wash." Are you sure you want to sit in that?
Max Black : Woman, don't talk to me while I'm eating my steak.
[Max goes to sit down in the chair but her butt rips through the chair and she falls to the floor, Max then reads the tag on the chair]
Max Black : "Instructions: Do not sit."
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Caroline Channing : [Max and Caroline are looking for Andy; Caroline is upset, having learned that Andy has had multiple casual partners recently] Well, Andy's not here yet. He's probably busy getting busy with his rag-tag team of gutter skanks!
Max Black : Gutter Skanks? Didn't I see them open for Cannibal Corpse?
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Caroline Channing : I can't wait till tomorrow for my test results. I'm gonna call the clinic.
Max Black : You left, like, ten messages. You're acting like the clinic's crazy ex-girlfriend.
Caroline Channing : Well, I'm leaving another message. Hand me my phone.
[Max takes a napkin and picks up Caroline's phone with it]
Max Black : What? I have to stay healthy in case you have it. Someone's got to pick up your welfare checks.
Caroline Channing : Well, this is my life now. Working at a diner with herpes. The very best I can ever hope to be is a mentor for a younger girl with herpes.