- Schmidt worries about being a good person. Nick inherits money from his father and starts a spending spree instead of paying his bills.
- Schmidt is wracked with guilt over cheating on Cece and Elizabeth. He wants to believe he's a good person and claims, at least, he's better than Winston. Nick clarifies that he's better at things than Winston, but not a better person.
The doorbell rings. A shady looking man has a paper bag for Nick from his father's estate. It's $8,000 in cash.
Nick burns through the cash, getting massages and buying shoes that aren't even in his size. He goes to get his picture taken, because it seems like the kind of thing rich guys do. Jess wants to say something to him about it, but Winston warns her money is a very touchy subject with Nick. Nick owes Winston $1,900 and he knows this is his chance to get it back. Jess thinks Winston could just ask for it back, but Winston scoffs at the idea.
Back home, Jess suggests Nick open a bank account, but he says that's like flushing it down the drain. He shows Jess the box where he puts things he doesn't want to deal with -- including a lot of unpaid bills. He laughs when she suggests he use the money to actually pay the bills.
Schmidt unloads on a rabbi (Jon Lovitz), wanting to know how to be a better person. The rabbi suggests Schmidt be less concerned about himself.
When Schmidt is walking home, he sees a man on a bike crash. The man starts to choke on the gum he was chewing while riding, so Schmidt performs the Heimlich, saving his life. Schmidt's reveling in his good act, when the man suggests he call 911.
Back in the loft, Jess goes through Nick's unpaid bills, paying them. Out in the living room, Winston butters Nick up by serving him sliders. When Winston asks for his money back, Nick screams at him and announces he's going to the bar. Nick tells Jess she's the only one who understands it.
When he leaves, Winston busts Jess with Nick's bills. He had the deed to an old Mercury Cougar.
Flash back to Winston, Schmidt and Nick returning from spring break, wandering around an airport parking lot looking for his car and being unable to find it. Nick left gave up looking for it, saying "It's done."
Winston agrees to keep his mouth shut, if she pays him the money Nick owes him.
At the bar, Nick is deep in his head about his money when Schmidt suggests Nick give his money to charity if it's bothering him so much.
Jess goes to the parking ticket bureau and tries to unpay Nick's parking tickets. The woman behind the counter is not terribly helpful when Jess asks her to watch for a wad of cash coming in the mail.
Nick comes home drunk from the bar and tells Winston he's going to repay him. Jess runs to his room but can't hide what she's done, instead she hides under his bed, saying she was looking for shade.
Nick discovers his cash is gone and leaves her there.
Schmidt goes to the hospital to visit the bike messenger he saved. The messenger broke both his legs and won't ever bike again, but Schmidt wants to know if he thinks he's a good person. The man in the next bed was hit by a bus while doing a charity for "cancer kids." The bike messenger reminds Schmidt that bad things happen to good people and Schmidt freaks out over the uncertainty of it all.
In the loft, Nick is upset that Jess seems to think she knows better, even though, as she points out, she does. Nick started a corporation called Fat Face and is being taxed like crazy. He's never done jury duty or paid taxes and is horribly in debt.
He gets offended at her trying to fix him and resolves to fix her. He starts going through her drawers and finds her "night peanuts." (Not a euphemism, peanuts for nighttime snacking.) She has an immense ball of yarn. "What? Are you knitting a mansion?" he asks.
He picks up her pile of vintage purses and suggests they could be sexier and covered in gems. He starts throwing her purses out the window.
She tells him she likes him the way he is, but she's asking him to grow a little. He rails, telling her he's not changing for anyone and she can take it or leave it.
She writes him a check for the money she spent and tells him to do with it what he wants.
Schmidt busts in on the rabbi's bar mitzvah class and announces that none of it matters and he can do whatever he wants. As he's being escorted out, he shouts "YOLO! YOLO!"
Down on the sidewalk with Outside Dave, Jess acknowledges she has too many purses.
Jess gets called to a bank. Nick tried to open an account with a check in her name and a bag full of money. He tells her he realized something: He'd do anything for Jess.
He opens a checking account, but balks at the $8 processing fee. Jess takes up his cause, shouting at the top of her lungs about the unfairness of it all. The bank agent waives the fee.
Schmidt comes home, having been beat up by some rabbis. Winston tells him he's just a good person who did a bad thing and he has to try to be better.
Winston gives Schmidt a giant gold candelabra. He bought it with the money Nick gave him. Schmidt asks him how many times he rubbed it expecting a genie to come out. Winston cops to three.
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