- Hank Foxx: You got a dog?
- Fiona Goode: Well, one dog moves out, another moves in. You know, it's the cycle of life.
- Hank Foxx: But you hate animals... and all other living things.
- Fiona Goode: Well, that's true, but we needed some protection around here.
- Hank Foxx: I know that. Why do you think I came back?
- Fiona Goode: You? Ha! Protect? Really? Oh. You know why I got a female attack dog?
- Hank Foxx: Because bitches stick together?
- Fiona Goode: Because females are more loyal and aggressive when it comes to protecting their families. Good to see you, Hank.
- Myrtle Snow: Delia, there's a... I need to say something, or I'll simply explode. I need to know for certain that you don't think I did this to you. I remember the first day Fiona dropped you off here. You were like a baby bird, pushed too soon from the nest. Do you remember what you asked me?
- Young Cordelia: Will you be my mother now?
- Myrtle Snow: I've always loved you like a daughter. Wrap your arms around me, dear girl. Use your power of sight, and you'll see that I could not have done this terrible thing.
- Cordelia Foxx: No. I won't. I don't need magic to tell me what I already know. I know you would never hurt me. I never doubted you for a second, and I told my mother that. My mother set you up. My blindness gave me real vision, but it's of no use to me now. Not when there are witch hunters right outside our door.
- Myrtle Snow: Darling, if I could pluck my own eyes out of my head and gift them to you, I would.
- Myrtle Snow: So, before we move on to our lobster poché beurre, a little melon ball palate cleanser. Remember back in the day, Pembie? We'd always be served a palate cleanser at Sunday supper.
- Cecily Pembroke: Such a sensible tradition, nobody bothers anymore.
- Quentin: Now, Myrtle, Pembie and I were just saying in addition to how thrilling it was to get your phone call, we-we...
- Cecily Pembroke: I've... we've... just had terrible regrets about the whole misunderstanding.
- Quentin: And we cannot get over your skin.
- Cecily Pembroke: Ah. No burn scars.
- Quentin: You look younger than ever. We-we've got to hear all about this Misty Day and her magical mud. Should we be looking into it? Selling it, perhaps?
- Myrtle Snow: You miss the point, darling. The swamp mud is a metaphor, her metaphor. She's a sophisticated witch with extraordinary gifts, hiding out as a hippie swamp rat. From humble hillbilly stock, she's been a witch since birth, her power and humanity separating her from everyone around her. In fact, those around her have tried endlessly to destroy her, in order to mask their own evil purposes. Yet she rose from the ashes, stronger than ever, more fully realized. A living testament to the greater ideals of our coven. Power, compassion, and uniqueness... We are lucky to have found her, and she us. It resonates with my own story, doesn't it?
- Cecily Pembroke: Myrtle, I want to toast you. For your spirit of... f... give...
- Myrtle Snow: Forgiveness, you say? Forgiveness is, and always will be, the high road... the preferred road. Would that we had such luxury. Oh, Quentin. Not to worry. It's just a bit of monkshood in your balls. Causes temporary paralysis. "Human Statue Syndrome," we call it. I believe it's the nervous system first. You lose control over your limbs, the muscles harden into cement, and it feels like ice in your veins. Then the respiratory system. Or is it the other way around? Well, no matter. It's supposed to be quite terrifying, is it? Are you terrified? You should be. At any rate, I'm not going to kill you. Well, maybe after dessert. I put a lot of effort into the key lime pie. I do love a key lime pie, even more than a ile flottante. Call me a Philistine! Enough chit-chat. You've both wanted to eliminate me for years, so you could dominate the Council. But I was never worried you'd be hapless enough to try. Quentin! You're a fatuous fool and a drunk! Pembie, you're even worse. You're weak-willed, boring, and your fashion faux pas give me nightmares. I invited you here not to chastise you or exact revenge, But to help out the coven. To help out my beloved Cordelia. Ha! I bet you thought, "Oh, she left the melon baller in there. She's growing old and forgetful!"
- [scoops out Pembroke's left eye with the melon baller]
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Yeah! I kept my eyes shut tight the entire time, vile negress. I didn't see a bit of it.
- Queenie: I'm not surprised. You kept your eyes closed your entire life. You can't keep your ears closed though. Not without no hands to cover them.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: What is that heinous caterwauling?
- Queenie: Something my grandma used to listen to. If this doesn't touch your soul, you don't have one.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: When will my perdition end?
- Queenie: When you learn something. You're one stubborn old lady head, you know.
- Marie Laveau: You think it's so easy. Stroll in here and expect we gonna fix this truce?
- Fiona Goode: Oh, to hell with the truce. What I'm looking for is an alliance. Your tribe, my coven, joined.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Are you insane?
- Marie Laveau: Uh! What the head said!
- Fiona Goode: [to LaLaurie] I told you to shut up!
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: You can't make a deal with a darkie! You can't trust 'em as far as you can spit. Like I told the governor.
- Fiona Goode: [stuffs a crumpled piece of paper in LaLaurie's mouth] Shut up!
- Fiona Goode: Who let this charcoal briquette back in? Oh, sweet Jesus.
- Myrtle Snow: He gets no credit. It was I who restored our beloved Cordelia.
- Fiona Goode: You're not witch enough to pull off something this delicate.
- Myrtle Snow: Oh, but you're wrong. I'm more witch now than I ever was, and I've got you to thank, Fiona. Being burned at the stake was an empowering experience. There are secrets in the flames, and I came back with more than a few.
- Fiona Goode: You couldn't find two that matched? Why do they look so familiar?
- Myrtle Snow: The generous donors wish to remain anonymous.
- Zoe Benson: You can't smoke in here, Madison.
- Madison Montgomery: Why don't you go tell someone? Ugh, sick people really gross me out.
- Queenie: Time for some sensitivity training.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: What fresh hell is this?
- Queenie: Roots: The Saga of an American Family. You are gonna watch all eight hours of it, followed by the sequel, Roots: The Next Generation.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Why don't you just throw my head in that fire pit? I wanna die! I'm ready.
- Queenie: Believe me, I'd love nothing more than to melt your ugly face right off your skull, but you are ignorant. And you're not leaving this earth until I educate you about those people you tortured: my people. We're gonna have ourselves a little film festival. You're gonna watch Mandingo, The Color Purple, and then my personal favorite - B*A*P*S, starring Miss Halle Berry. But first, based on the bestselling novel by the great black writer Alex Haley - one family's epic story, from slavery to freedom.
- [starts video]
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: Oh, God.
- Queenie: Roots.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: No, no, no, not that jungle music.
- Queenie: Enjoy.
- Madame Delphine LaLaurie: No, no, no, turn it down! Oh, Lord! Ugh, no!
- [sings "Dixie"]
- Fiona Goode: We need to talk.
- Marie Laveau: You and I ain't got nothing to say to each other. Take your skinny ass and that filthy thing and get out.
- Fiona Goode: You don't want to talk to me? Fine. Then give what's in this box a wash and set.
- Myrtle Snow: I had a Turkish Angora cat who was born with one brown eye and one blue. She was absolutely gorgeous.
- Cordelia Foxx: Oh, my God. I can see.