- [Gibbs and DiNozzo storm into a hotel room with guns drawn, to find...]
- Anthony DiNozzo: That's funny. That looks your ex-wife.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [emerges from the bathroom, dressed only in a towel] Champagne first, and then a little...
- [sees Gibbs and DiNozzo aiming guns at him]
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Well, tie me up and call me Loretta.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: What the hell am I doing, Gibbs? I feel like I've been swallowed by a python, cut my way out, and then crawled back inside again.
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Sounds about right.
- Abby Sciuto: Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs! I cracked the suspect's cell phone! There are *boatloads* of juicy texts on there from him to Fornell's ex-wife. I mean this stuff is kinkier than 50 Shades of Grey. You have got to come see this!
- [realizes who is in the squad room]
- Abby Sciuto: Fornell... Ex-Wife... Daughter...
- [laughs weakly]
- Abby Sciuto: Oops.
- [Fornell races to Abby's lab]
- Diane Sterling: [chasing after him] You get back here or I will smash every computer in that lab!
- Abby Sciuto: [chasing after her] Don't you touch my babies!
- Emily Fornell: [to Gibbs] Can I apply for asylum?
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [Fornell is talking to the man who kidnapped his daughter] Okay, okay. But just so we're on the same page... if you so much as touch a hair on my daughter's head, so help me God I will find you and I will rip your eyes out of your face and shove them so far down your throat you'll need a proctologist to read the evening paper.
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Your parents want you back.
- Emily Fornell: They didn't want me back last night. I'm thirteen. They'd let me emigrate to Jupiter if I could get a ride.
- [DiNozzo is reading the text conversations between Diane and her boyfriend, not seeing Fornell and Diane entering Abby's lab behind him]
- Anthony DiNozzo: [chuckles] Abs, I hope you told Gibbs to come alone. Fornell's head would explode if he saw these texts.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Better get a mop!
- [Tony freezes]
- Diane Sterling: Tony, if you value your life, you'll turn off that computer *right now*!
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Touch that CPU and I touch you!
- Anthony DiNozzo: I can't hear you, I have a sinus infection. I have to go get my Neti Pot.
- [Last lines]
- Diane Sterling: We want your blessing.
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: My what?
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Your blessing. It's very important to Diane... and me, that we have your blessing.
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why?
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Because it... it...
- Diane Sterling: Because it... it... What is with the fifty questions? Do we have it or not?
- [Gibbs looks quizzical. Phoof]
- Diane Sterling: Jethro, what the hell am I doing? I feel like I drove into a ditch, towed my car out, and then drove right back in again.
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh God, please don't make me do this.
- Timothy McGee: You know, it's hard to imagine the same woman liking Fornell and this Eddie guy. Although maybe Diane liked him because he's not Fornell.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [enters behind him] Best leave the psychoanalysis to Ducky... if you value breathing.
- Diane Sterling: What's with the attitude?
- Eddie Macklin: I dunno. Maybe it's you were sleeping with your ex-husband while we were dating.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Hey... the man has a point.
- Diane Sterling: Oh, you guys are buddies now?
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, we're thinking of starting a club.
- Diane Sterling: I was trying to call my boyfriend, Eddie.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Well that's funny. It sounded like you said boyfriend.
- Diane Sterling: Well ex-boyfriend now. I was calling to break it off.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: While I was in the bathtub? You had a boyfriend while I was in the bathtub?
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You found blood in his car?
- Timothy McGee: Minute traces of it everywhere. We think someone tried to clean it up.
- Abby Sciuto: But I was still able to detect blood proteins from at least 4 separate victims.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You're saying that Diane's ex was some kind of serial killer?
- [bursts into laughter]
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Next time you take you earwig out of your ear, Bishop, I'm gonna use the staple gun.
- Diane Sterling: I told you he'd run.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Hey, hey hey, come on. We just came to say thank you.
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You already said thank you.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: This time we brought liquor.
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Then you're welcome.
- Emily Fornell: [to Fornell] And you! How could you do this to me?
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Honey, no one is doing anything to you. Your mother and I are just... wait a second. How exactly do you know about... your mother and me?
- Emily Fornell: I know everything. I put a keystroke logger on both your Facebook accounts.
- Diane Sterling: You *what*?
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You need a warrant to do that!
- [Abby remotely turns off her computer monitor]
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Hey, what happened?
- Abby Sciuto: I'm prepared for any contingency.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You are interfering in an ongoing investigation! Turn that computer back on!
- Diane Sterling: Okay, Tobias, I sent most of those texts before you and I were back together again, so... they're inadmissible.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Okay! Just show me the texts that Mata Hari here sent *after* we got our game on! Let's see how innocent that "innocent overlap" really was.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Your turn: what the *hell* are you doing in our room?
- Anthony DiNozzo: Well, we got a dead Marine. His cell phone got a call from this room just prior to his murder.
- [Diane crosses the room to the champagne bucket and quickly pours herself a glass]
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Well, that's impossible. We've been in this room since last night and I haven't used the phone.
- Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No, but I'm getting a feeling she has.
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [growling] ... Diane?
- Diane Sterling: [while chugging champagne] Mmm-hmm?
- [to Gibbs]
- Diane Sterling: Could I speak with you privately?
- Senior FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: If you'd like to be shot.
- [Gibbs comes home and finds Emily Fornell in his living room with a suitcase]
- Emily Fornell: No way in hell am I living with either of them if they're back together!