Family Guy (TV Series)

Grimm Job (2014)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Carter Pewterschmidt, Captain Seamus, Bruce Jenner, Pinocchio

Photos 

Quotes 

• Grandmother : Who is it?

  The Wolf : [Red's voice]  It's your granddaughter Red.

  Grandmother : How do I know it's you?

  The Wolf : [still in Red's voice]  Oh come on that's a perfect imitation. Open up, I brought Strawberry Short cake and Cool Whip.

  Grandmother : And What?

  The Wolf : [Wolf voice]  Oh Sorry.

  [Red voice] 

  The Wolf : I mean Cool - Hwhip.

  Grandmother : That's my little girl.

• Little Red Riding Hood's Mother : Remember, stay on the path and you'll be fine.

  Little Red Riding Hood : Oh, yes, great advice from mother of the year. You do realize Grandma lives 68 miles away, right? You-you're sending your child out there to die.

• The Wolf : Come in.

  [Little Red Riding Hood comes into the house] 

  Little Red Riding Hood : Who the hell are you?

  The Wolf : Why, your grandma, of course.

  Little Red Riding Hood : All right, fine. I guess we're doing this. My, what big eyes you have, Grandma.

  The Wolf : All the better to see you with, my dear.

  Little Red Riding Hood : My, what big... you know what? I-I'm sorry, I-I can't. I-I can't do this. I-I'm not an idiot. My grandma is a human woman. How... how was this ever a scene?

• Little Red Riding Hood : [singing]  Tra-la-la-la-la. Skipping song. Skipping song. No one's here to call me gay.

  Tree : If you were my son, I would kill you.

  Little Red Riding Hood : Really? Because I hear your son is a sap. If you're gonna hit the king, you better kill the king.

• Glenn Quagmire : [indicating Jack's beanstalk]  What's this thing? It's blocking my view of Miss Muffet's tuffet.

• Little Red Riding Hood : You know, if I had the guts, I would be "Little White Turtleneck." And by "guts," I mean "body."

• Little Red Riding Hood's Mother : Red, don't forget this basket of food for Grandma.

  Little Red Riding Hood : This whole thing is way too heavy. Wh-why are you putting a bag of ice in here? Is this... is this a Coors Party Ball? Is Grandma going to be entertaining Florida jet ski people?

• Little Red Riding Hood : [to the Big Bad Wolf]  So what happened with you and those three little pigs? Why did you want to eat them so badly?

  The Wolf : It's so amazing that that's what people think happened! First of all, I didn't want to eat them. I wanted to talk to one of them!

  Little Red Riding Hood : About what?

  The Wolf : Well, she was my ex-girlfriend and I believed I was due an explanation about why she was such a fucking whore.

• Little Red Riding Hood : All right, well, I'm off to my grandmother's, but before I go, I better take a deep-woods dump. Her bathroom is right off the dining room, so, it's either now or three days from now.

• Lois as Jack's wife : What the hell we supposed to do with these anyway?

  Peter as Jack : Yeah, I knew you'd be mad, so I've asked the band Heart to explain these beans in a way you can dreamily digest.

  Heart : [sing]  These beans go on when I close my eyes. Every second of the night I live another life. These beans that sleep when it's cold outside...

  Peter as Jack : They changed the word 'dreams' to 'beans'. I was hoping they'd change a few more words to pertain to our situation, but uh... I'm just happy they did this.

  Lois as Jack's wife : Jack, this is ridiculous, tomorrow I want you to go back out there and look for a job that pays actual money. These things are worthless!

  Peter as Jack : I know she's gone, but can you do the other one?

  Heart : [sing]  What about beans? Don't you want someone to care about you?