- While Grayson helps Andy audition a replacement best friend, Jules and Ellie run the bar. Travis and Laurie spend their first weekend alone with their new baby.
- Welcome to COUGAR TOWN There's a baby now. And it talks!
Baby Bobby spent his first week on Earth at Grandma's house, where Jules (Courteney Cox) and Ellie (Christa Miller) were bogarting as much baby's head scent as they could. But Travis (Dan Byrd) and Laurie (Busy Philipps) wanted to have their first chance to take care of Bobby on his own. They thought they could handle it. Even Tom (Bob Clendenin) laughed at that one. (ELLIE: First few days with Stan on our own, I was so tired and cranky, I turned into a total bitch. And never stopped.) Travis and Laurie were still confident as they took off.
JULES: Wait for it...
TRAVIS: (running back in to get Bobby) Minor oversight!
Jules wasn't thrilled about being a grandma, but Tom still considered her a GILF. Which Jules considered an insult...but quickly reversed course. Grayson (Josh Hopkins) was concerned because Andy (Ian Gomez) had been spending the past few days on Bobby's old boat, completely depressed about losing him. Grayson wanted to help him, but he had to run his bar, which he considered a challenge, and which Jules and Ellie thought was a joke. Yeah, you know where this is going. Jules said Ellie and she would run the bar. Which gave Grayson the chance to board the Jealous Much? to find Andy with a long beard, buried under a bunch of Bobby's old clothes, and surrounded by pictures of his erstwhile BFF. (ANDY: I love the scent...salt water and tacos!) Clearly Andy needed a lot of help, given he fell off his barstool and was too sad to get up. Jules and Ellie, feeling confident they handled the midday crowd, thought they could run the bar the whole weekend, leaving Grayson to take care of Andy. Grayson thought that was cray (and nobody should use the word cray for crazy...even if you're a twelve-year-old girl), but Jules convinced him this would help everybody. Grayson made them promise they had to call him if things did indeed get cray...crazy (dammit!) so he could fix it and give them the 'I told you so' speech. (complete with dance) Grayson dragged Andy out of the bar...literally.
While Travis and Laurie celebrated Bobby latching onto the milk jugs without any problem (a term Laurie hates...latch on), Jules and Ellie managed to successfully handle the first night. They were feeling quite smug...until they walked into the bar the next day without needing the key. Yup, the place got robbed.
JULES: (L&O sound effect) Dun dun DUNNNN! I don't know why I did that.
Normal people would call the police and report what happened, but this is Cougar Town. Jules figured they could try to pay back the $3,000 themselves. They donated what they had in their pockets, which got them down to $2,990. Ellie did actually have a plan, which Jules liked. It was to nickel-and-dime the customers to death with "fees." Of course, it may have worked had Jules not said that in front of a customer.
While Travis and Laurie turned into the world's worst helicopter parents, panicking at some dry skin on Bobby's head and a couple of burps, Grayson was able to get Andy to shave (more or less) and introduced him to the "Bobby Cobb Replacement Challenge." There were three people willing to replace Bobby as Andy's BFF (yes, Tom was one of them). The first challenge was to dance a sad Andy to happiness. Which all three did. Although in fairness, the third guy was only there because Grayson saw him in town and thought a two-person challenge wouldn't work. The next challenge was for the guys to make friends with the next person they saw, just like Bobby could. That earned Tom a face full of pepper spray from a female jogger. Jerry, one of the other competitors, didn't quite have the concept of Penny Can down, while Marty (the large, scary guy Grayson found) suddenly 'lost' the big stack of pennies Grayson gave him. But not even turning the hose on the contestants was helping Andy. Understandable, as nothing could replace Bobby and Andy doing the spaghetti routine from Lady and the Tramp (1955). (No, they didn't say who was who and PLEASE don't speculate.)
Lucy and Ethel...sorry Jules and Ellie, were still scamming their way to the $3K. Jules' story of a bacon grease fire burning down her RV got her some money, as did Ellie claiming customers didn't give her larger bills. Jules sold items out of the lost and found bin, and Ellie was selling memberships to Grayson's Pub-Pub. (JULES: How come I'm not a member?!?) After all of this, they were still $2,400 short. Jules was ready to give up and called Grayson, but Ellie had one more weapon. Actually, she had two and they were inside Jules' blouse. A couple of quick $50s later from some middle-aged-and-up customers, Jules was ready to let the girls play. Ellie, not so much.
Back at home, Grayson admitted he couldn't find a replacement BFF for Bobby, and Jules was sympathetic to his plight. Mainly because she was trying to sneak past him wearing a trenchcoat. Over at Ellie's, Andy was talking about Grayson's efforts to find him a new BFF while Ellie did her makeup and hid what she was wearing. Andy laughed a bit at the thought of Tom getting maced and these contestants being hosed down while trying to smile. And then they had the peanut butter contest. Suddenly, Ellie was Nice Ellie, pointing out Grayson put out all this effort and stupid stunts just to find Andy a new best friend. OK, maybe not so nice, but it sure as hell was what Andy needed to hear. Andy went to the boat to thank Grayson for everything he did and wanted him to be his new BFF.
GRAYSON: OK, that look is making me uncomfortable. And now I'm subconsciously walking backwards.
Jules was ready for her milkshake to bring all the boys to the yard. (JULES: I don't know what that means. I just heard it on the radio.) They dropped their coats to reveal their twentysomething 'slut' outfits. Apparently, Ellie had plenty of experience with guys in a bar, as she told Jules to laugh at their jokes, be shocked that they're single, and when delivering a drink, sideways boob graze. Jules went to try it, and it went about as well as you'd expect. (Bear in mind, she did this on Friends (1994) to Chandler in a Thanksgiving flashback, so you sort of saw this coming.) But they got to closing time and they were still $600 short. That's when Tom walked in. Jules had no compunction about asking him for the money. For a tip that big, Tom wondered if Jules would call him Big Tom Stud (yes), dance on the bar like it's Coyote Ugly (2000) (yes), make out with him (yes), reeanact the kitchen scene from 9½ Weeks (1986) (yes), go to a party in his garage where the theme was Naked Olympics (...yes). Thankfully we never got to find out how low Jules would go because Grayson was hiding in the bar and already knew what happened. Grayson wondered how far Jules was willing to go, and she promised she would have stopped at Naked Olympics. Grayson gave her the choice: admit his job was tough or go to Tom's garage.
JULES: I don't know. I hate that smug look on his face.
TOM: My favorite event is two-person luge. Dibs on the bottom.
JULES: Fine, we were wrong.
Travis and Laurie were quite sleep deprived. Certainly Laurie was, thinking Bobby was getting rancid milk because she had her breasts out all the time for years. Travis tried to reassure her that they were doing fine and just needed some rest. Until he started having hallucinations of Laurie as Wonder Woman (1975) and himself as Tyler Durden from Fight Club (1999). (TRAVIS: First rule of losing your mind is DO NOT TALK ABOUT LOSING YOUR MIND.) Travis tried one of Laurie's workout DVDs to keep his energy level up. And he installed cameras. EVERYWHERE. Even on top of his head. Laurie had a look at her child on a tablet computer. And the sleep deprived Laurie could only see her baby calling her 'totes insane'. That was possible, given Laurie wondered where Bobby's teeth were and Travis thought he was already too fat and needed to lift weights. But suddenly they realized they made it through the weekend without calling Jules even once. They were ecstatic. And that's when Jules stopped by to see what really happened. The house was a disaster and it smelled. Badly. (JULES: Like a wet dog in a pile of rotten shrimp.) But she went full grandma so they could get some rest. And tried to figure out what that horrible smell on Bobby was.
Oh, and Grayson and Andy were fed a formal dinner by Jules and Ellie to make up for losing that money from the bar. Plus some bar-top dancing.
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