- Mr. Sterning: Mr. Bouchard, me thinks you would be better served taking notes than sketching portraits.
- Jake Bouchard: [whispering] Me thinks old people should be seen and not heard.
- Jake Bouchard: [about his drawing of Angie] Ah... you really like that?
- Angie Wagner: Well, I mean, it's-it's no Picasso but...
- Jake Bouchard: Well, that's because all of your body parts are in the right place.
- Jake's Mom: Why not tonight?
- Jake Bouchard: 'Cause I have a date tonight, Mom.
- Jake's Mom: You can hang out with Wendell another time.
- Jake Bouchard: It's not with Wendell. It's with a girl.
- Harry: Meet the last of the UNIVAC 2000s. Built it myself, like everything else in here.
- Wendell: Jake, the calculator on my phone is more sophisticated than this thing.
- Harry: Well, maybe the Japs have got you fooled into thinking that phone of yours is the cat's teats, but I ain't never met a communication system that could keep out old reliable here.
- Wendell: My phone's from Korea.
- Harry: Koreans make phones? Well, what's next? We make pals with the Cubans?
- Wendell: Why don't you just put us both out of our misery and ask Angie out?
- Jake Bouchard: Ask her out? What are you, nuts? I grew up with her. I've known her since I was four.
- Wendell: Even better. I'd be like dating your own sister - in not a creepy dating-your-own-sister kind of way.
- Jake's Dad: [at dinner table] Are you enjoying your chicken, Dad?
- Grandpa: Yes. Did I ever tell you that Sanders, right, he was the worst cook our unit had.
- Jake Bouchard: You knew Colonel Sanders, Grandpa?
- Grandpa: Are you kidding? You know, during the Second Occupation of Cuba, Private Sanders, he used to shovel mule poop, right? So, there was no, "Finger lickin' good," you know?