- Gavin Sinclair: There are five things wrong with Nikki's outfit. What are they?
- Haley Dunphy: Uh... she's standing right there.
- Nikki: I'm dressed better than *she* is.
- Haley Dunphy: [raises an eyebrow] The tank gives you a uni-boob, the watch is too big, the harem pants, the wedge boots, and come on, that belt? The 90's were over three years ago.
- [turns back to Sinclair]
- Haley Dunphy: And that's five. Now should I do you?
- Gavin Sinclair: Nikki! Thank God you're here. Peel this orange for me.
- [Later, Nikki brings Gavin the peeled orange]
- Gavin Sinclair: What is that? I wanted the peel.
- Manny Delgado: I don't think Spanish is for me. It doesn't feel natural in my ear.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: What could be more natural than your mother's native tongue in your ear?
- Jay Pritchett: What we need here is an English tutor.
- Jay Pritchett: Look at the interesting thing I found in the attic.
- Manny Delgado: Is it behind the boat?
- Jay Pritchett: This is the pride of the American Navy, the USS Constitution. On service for 84 years and it was never boarded.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: It's been already a minute and it's bored me already.
- Jay Pritchett: [Watching Gloria and Diego talking in Spanish] What are they saying?
- Manny Delgado: If I knew, he wouldn't be here.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Do you know how frustrating it is to have to translate everything in my head before I say it? To have people laugh in my face because I'm struggling to find the words? You should try talking in my shoes for one mile!
- Jay Pritchett: I think you meant...
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: I know what I meant to mean! Do you even know how smart I am in Spanish? Of course you don't. For once, it would be nice to speak to someone in my own language in my own home.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Unless Tom Brady is staying over, I'm not cooking pancakes for football players. He is a football player, right?