Mom (TV Series)

Forged Resumes and the Recommended Dosage (2014)

Allison Janney: Bonnie Plunkett

Quotes 

• Bonnie : I have great news!

  Christy : You found my real mother?

  Bonnie : Yeah, she doesn't want to see you. I got a job!

  Christy : For cash?

  Bonnie : No!

  [holds up key ring] 

  Christy : They're paying you in keys?

  Bonnie : No, I'm the manager of a building, and they're paying me with an apartment rent free, we have a home!

  Christy : Are you kidding me?... That's great!

  [they grab each other and jump up and down screaming] 

  Christy : So do you know anything about managing a building?

  Bonnie : Not a thing!

  Christy : [they stop]  Oh... that's okay! Let's jump again!

  [they do] 

• Bonnie : When I was a kid, I had a cat named Nasdaq.

  Janice : I was always interested in the market too. When I was 4 I'd sit on my dad's lap and read the Wall Street Journal.

  Bonnie : Did we grow up in the same house?

  Janice : I think we did. For my 10th birthday my dad took me and my friends down to the New York Stock Exchange.

  Bonnie : Amazing, you had friends!

  Janice : Up till that day.

• Janice : So Bonnie, what brings you here?

  Bonnie : Can I confide in you, Janice?

  Janice : Of course.

  Bonnie : I had to come back to take care of my daughter, she's mentally ill.

  Janice : Oh my God.

  Bonnie : I thought by now I'd be retired, but if she doesn't have that 24 hour care, she rips her helmet off and tries to run into the wall over and over.

• Bonnie : Unbelievable, a bacon cheeseburger.

  Alvin : What?

  Bonnie : You just had a heart attack!

  Alvin : There's lettuce in it. So how's our daughter?

  Bonnie : Broke, alcoholic and homeless, but still doing better than your arteries.

• Bonnie : I wouldn't work here even if you DID believe me!

• Bonnie : Come on, God, give me a sign.

  [bumps into a guy] 

  Bonnie : Hey watch it!

  [turns around, sees a sign, 'Building Manager wanted'] 

  Bonnie : Oh, a sign! Okay! Building manager, building manager, I should have one of those in here.

• Christy : [congested voice]  I'm sorry I'm keeping you awake, antihistamine stopped working.

  Bonnie : How much did you take?

  Christy : The recommended dose.

  Bonnie : What kind of alcoholic are you? Whatever the box says, triple it.

• Bonnie : [to Alvin]  Just because you can still wear your Boy Scout uniform doesn't mean you have to act like one.