- Lucifer Morningstar: [after pretending to be a priest and listening to a confession] For your penance: ten bloody Marys and a good shag.
- Father Frank Lawrence: We might not always understand it, but God has a plan.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yes. I know. But why does everybody always think it's a good plan?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Doesn't matter whether you're a sinner! Doesn't matter whether you're a saint! Nobody can win, so what's the point? What's the bloody point?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, His plan for me was quite clear.
- Father Frank Lawrence: How do you know it's finished?
- Lucifer Morningstar: I am never alone. I'm constantly surrounded by people. You know? I party whenever I desire. My bed never cold.
- Linda Martin: Lucifer, being alone and being lonely are two entirely different things.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Are they?
- Chloe Decker: What, are you anxious to get back to your new friend?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Please. The Devil friends with a priest? That's absurd.
- Chloe Decker: It's absurdly adorable.
- Father Frank Lawrence: I'm not afraid of dying.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, you should be. It's really boring where you're headed.
- Lucifer Morningstar: What? You want me to babysit the priest?
- Chloe Decker: I babysit you all the time.
- Malcolm Graham: I'm ready now. So tell me who do you want me to kill?
- Amenadiel: His name is Lucifer Morningstar.
- Chloe Decker: You ready to go to church?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Bringing down a priest is the only reason I ever would