- Rizzo the Rat: Enough chit-chat. I feel like I'm in a hair salon here. I'm calling. I got a flush.
- Joseph Gordon-Levitt: Flush, huh? Okay, so is that better than three of one thing and two of another?
- Rizzo the Rat: [stunned] Ohhh!
- Pepe the King Prawn: Unbelievable, okay? How'd you do this?
- Joseph Gordon-Levitt: That, my dear prawn, is called acting. You're looking at the guy that played Bruce Willis in the future playing himself in the past, or something like that. I never quite understood the plot.
- Rizzo the Rat: [Scooter bails on poker night] Oh, we need another schnook to fleece.
- Pepe the King Prawn: What's a schnooktofleece?
- Rizzo the Rat: A patsy to swindle.
- Pepe the King Prawn: Patsytoswindle?
- Rizzo the Rat: Guy to rob.
- Pepe the King Prawn: Guytorob? Does anyone speak English around here?
- Joseph Gordon-Levitt: So, uh, Gonzo, how are you feeling after that fall? Seems like you might have broken your nose there in, like, a thousand different places.
- The Great Gonzo: No, no. My nose is the only bone in my body I haven't broken. That's why it looks so good.
- The Great Gonzo: I still think about the stunt that got away. I was gonna shoot out of a canon across Cactus Gorge.
- Pepe the King Prawn: Si, si, but just as he's about to light the fuse, he lost his nerves.
- The Great Gonzo: God, I'd like to have a shot at doing that stunt again.
- Kermit the Frog: Gee, Gonzo, I didn't realize you still wanted to do a jump like that. Listen, if it means that much to you, I'll make it happen on the show.
- The Great Gonzo: Oh, Piggy's so mad at me. She'd never let me do it. You have any idea what it's like to be on her list?
- Kermit the Frog: Are you serious, Gonzo? It's me. I know what it's like to be clinging to the hood of her car when she's doing fifty.
- Uncle Deadly: [Kermit is outside Piggy's dressing room] No.
- Kermit the Frog: Hmm?
- Uncle Deadly: Whatever it is, no. She's in the middle of a beauty treatment which, ironically, is not pretty.
- Kermit the Frog: Piggy, couldn't you give the list a rest? Haven't you ever heard of forgive and forget?
- Miss Piggy: Who said that? Whoever it was, I'm putting them on my list.
- Kermit the Frog: [while reading the nutritional information for Piggy Water] 30 grams of fat? It's water!
- Miss Piggy: And we're back with Joseph Gordon-Levitt! Now, I understand you started out as a child actor.
- Joseph Gordon-Levitt: Mm-hmm.
- Miss Piggy: Why'd you give that up?
- Joseph Gordon-Levitt: Uh... well, I got older.
- Miss Piggy: What, are you crazy? Don't admit that on TV!
- Miss Piggy: Oh, you can get on my list by breathing loud, showing weakness, eating BLTs with the "B", or ruining my song. How do you get off my list? Buy some Piggy Water.
- [takes a sip of Piggy Water]
- Miss Piggy: Ah... It's buttery good!