Toast of London (TV Series)

Bob a Job (2015)

Shazad Latif: Clem Fandango

Quotes 

• Steven Toast : Are you fucking deaf?

  [pause] 

  Steven Toast : I said, are you fucking deaf? If you are, then you may be thinking of investing in a digital hearing aid. Audio Clear Hearing Aids are discreet and... is this for real?

  Danny Bear : What's up, Steven?

  Steven Toast : Well, there's swearing in this advert. All kinds of effing and jeffing. Are you really allowed to broadcast this on the radio? I mean, even Channel 4 doesn't have swearing in their adverts.

  Danny Bear : Anything goes, these days.

  Clem Fandango : It's the 21st Century, my friend.

  Steven Toast : Oh, God, yeah. No taboos left anywhere anymore. OK, let's crack on.

  Danny Bear : Actually, I've got to go, so I'll see you next week, Steven, yeah?

  [kisses Clem repetitive times before leaving] 

  Steven Toast : [Toast whispers]  What the blazes is this ritual?

  [Danny keeps kissing Clem, mimics gunshot and leaves] 

  Steven Toast : Where's that clown off to?

  Clem Fandango : He went to see his therapist.

  Steven Toast : His therapist?

  [laughs] 

  Steven Toast : That doesn't surprise me.

  Clem Fandango : Danny's considering a sex change operation.

  Steven Toast : A sex change operation?

  Clem Fandango : Yeah. It's mostly because he thinks his clothes will suit him better if he's a woman.

  [Toast laughs] 

  Clem Fandango : It's just something he's been mulling over for a while.

  [Toast snorts] 

  Clem Fandango : He's talking to his therapist about it.

  Danny Bear : Well, I've heard everything! Sex change operations, swearing in adverts. These really are the last days of Sodom!

  Clem Fandango : Want to try that line again there, Steven?

  Steven Toast : Yeah.

  [starts recording] 

  Steven Toast : Audio Clear Hearing Aids are discreet and fit snuggly into the ear. Check out our website today for details.

  [stops recording] 

  Steven Toast : How the fuck was that?