The Fall (TV Series)

Their Solitary Way (2016)

Jamie Dornan: Paul Spector

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Quotes 

• Paul Spector : There's a voice. There's a voice saying, "We're losing him, we're losing him."So, there must have been at least one person who cared whether I lived or died.

  DSI Gibson : That was me. That was my voice. And I *did* care. I thought death would be too easy for you, too easy an escape. And I didn't want you to cheat the system. And I still don't. I want you to be punished for the crimes that you've committed. Rose Stagg was so right about you. She saw right through you, your infantile desire to have a captive and captivated audience. You just want to be noticed, you want to be the center of attention, to have special treatment, to make your mark. But it's all just a performance. All of it. You perform for me, for your solicitor, your doctors, your nurse, your psychiatrist, even your family. It's all just one big performance as protection against the dreaded black hole of your heart. Well, guess what, Paul, it's time to grow up. It's time to take responsibility for what you've done. Let's stop this pathetic charade.

• Paul Spector : I used to think that there was a black hole inside me that nothing could fill. Then I had a daughter. I remember the first time that I put her to sleep. I was standing, holding her in my arms, rocking her. I was looking at her all the time. She was looking up at me. I began to feel that she trusted me, that she felt safe. She must have done because her eyelids started closing little by little, and then she was asleep. That's a good memory.

• Paul Spector : There is a visible and an invisible world. That's why people get hurt. Do you think I'm treatable?

  Dr. Larson : Of course.

  Paul Spector : Curable?

  Dr. Larson : Hmm, that's different.

  Paul Spector : What would you do for me if I was your patient?

  Dr. Larson : Try to get you to pay attention wisely to things as they are. Foster clear thinking and open-heartedness. Try to develop the capacity in you to experience a feeling without necessarily acting on it. Try to enable you to see the difference between thoughts and reality.

  Paul Spector : I'd imagine you're a good father.

  Dr. Larson : What do you mean by "good father"? Someone who is present, there for his children.

• [first lines] 

  Paul Spector : I'd worked that day, in a Caribbean restaurant. It was a warm day. There was thundery rain. David and I went out after work, went out drinking. We went to a local club, I can't recall the name. We met Susan Harper there. She invited us to her house. I think she shared a house, but there was no one there. We went up to her room.

  Healy : The three of you?

  Paul Spector : Yes.

  Healy : What happened?

  Paul Spector : She and David had sex.

  Healy : And you?

  Paul Spector : I watched.

  Wallace : What sort of sex?

  Paul Spector : Ordinary sex.

  Wallace : What happened then?

  Paul Spector : David left. He went out to find more drink. He left us together.

  Healy : Go on.

  Paul Spector : We, um... I invited her to try something a bit different.

  Wallace : What?

  Paul Spector : A sex game. What happened was an accident.

  Healy : A consensual game?

  Paul Spector : Yes.

  Healy : Then how did this David Alvarez individual come to be found guilty if he wasn't even there? And why murder, why not manslaughter?

  Paul Spector : It's complicated.

• Paul Spector : You know, I've been told a lot about Paul Spector, since I was shot. At first I was horrified, but then, I must admit little by little, he's started to intrigue me.

  Healy : Paul, please stick to the facts surrounding the death of Susan Harper and avoid speculating about things you can't remember.

  Paul Spector : The speculation intrigues me. I'm told that I laid out Sarah Kay's underwear on her bed, in the shape of her body. That's what I used to do as a child. Lay out my mother's clothes on her bed, in her shape, imagine she was there. It aroused me. When I was a wee bit older - 12, 13 - whenever I could, I would obtain female underwear. I'd use it to masturbate. Is that perverse? Was that the start of something that led me here? Or was it earlier? Gortnacul? Or earlier still, my mother's death? I want to know. I want to know the real me.

  DSI Gibson : Then stop hiding behind the mask of amnesia.

  Paul Spector : We're all wearing masks to some extent. You certainly are. There are memories, thoughts that feel like memories that are starting to come back to me.