Real Time with Bill Maher (TV Series)

Episode #14.22 (2016)

Bill Maher: Self - Host

Photos 

Quotes 

• Himself - Host : And finally, new rule: if Republicans... if Republicans are going to keep calling states "laboratories of democracy", they have to start looking at the results from the lab. California raised taxes on the wealthy, a lot, and our economy is booming. We just passed France and India to become, all by ourselves, the world's sixth-largest economy. Soon to be fifth; thanks, England!

  [cheers and applause; in good sport, Louise flashes a thumbs down] 

  Himself - Host : Whereas states like Kansas and Louisiana that went back to the old "trickle down" theory of "cut taxes on the rich, and they'll always do the right thing" are financial catastrophes. The results from the lab are in; our mice are thriving. Yours are dead.

• Himself - Host : Now, they say the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results, but I'm beginning to think that's actually the definition of being a conservative. Because...

  [scattered laughter and applause] 

  Himself - Host : Because it's not like we haven't tried "trickle down" before; many times. It's not new. Despite the fact that when he took office, Kansas governor Sam Brownback said "We've got a different way, and it works." And by "works", he meant it works the night shift at Del Taco.

  [laughter] 

  Himself - Host : Yes, somehow, for the millionth time, when rich folks got a big tax cut, they pocketed it, and now Kansas is in a recession with a huge deficit. The band Kansas has more money.

• Himself - Host : Down in Louisiana, Bobby Jindal tried the same stupid thing that Brownback did, and big surprise, the same result. A billion dollar surplus became a two billion dollar deficit, and now everything's getting cut, because apparently when you take in less money, you have less money to spend. Crazy. I guess you aren't richer the less cash you have, unless you're Donald Trump.

  [laughter] 

  Himself - Host : Okay, so now let's travel west, to the laboratory called California. Which, not that long ago, was being called an economic basket case; unmanageable, they said; a failed state. But this is when we had either Republican-led legislators or a Republican governor.

  [a picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger is shown] 

  Himself - Host : Who turned out to be such a disaster, even his maid said "I can't believe I fucked that guy."

  [laughter and applause] 

  Himself - Host : And... and here's the part where the experiment becomes crystal clear. Because after Arnold left office, we eliminated what scientists would call variables; in this case, the Republicans.

  [scattered laughter and applause] 

  Himself - Host : Democrats, from governor on down, control every office and voting body in this state. So we can really study what happens when liberal policies are tried unimpeded. And the only thing I have to Republicans about that is: scoreboard, bitches.

• Himself - Host : Republicans claimed cap and trade would drive up utility bills, but our electricity tab is now among the cheapest in the country. And I ought to know, because I use a lot of juice in my basement to grow my... orchids.

  [laughter] 

  Himself - Host : My orchids.

  Himself - Guest : Orchids. They're pretty.

  Himself - Host : Yeah. California... California gave illegal immigrants driver's licenses and college tuition, and conservatives said encouraging immigrants like that would destroy the economy. But it didn't. Immigrants just take jobs Americans don't want to do, like raising their children.

  [cheers and applause] 

  Himself - Host : So... so maybe... maybe we are being invaded by Latinos and Asians, but it's not making us weaker. It's making us hotter.

  [laughter] 

  Himself - Host : We did all the stuff conservatives warned us would make things even worse, but the sky didn't fall. Unemployment did. And growth shot up to over 4%. And a $26 billion deficit became an $11 billion surplus.

  [cheers and applause] 

  Himself - Host : For a rainy day, whatever that is. And that is mostly because we, horror of horrors, raised taxes on the rich. Fox News said we were insane, that the rich would flee the state. I mean, what does Laguna Beach have for the wealthy that they can't find in Nebraska?

  [laughter as a picture of an outhouse in the snow is shown] 

  Himself - Host : Folks, if states are laboratories of democracy, why are we wasting time replicating failed experiments? I thought the idea behind science is that you try something, and if it doesn't work, you try something else. You run these experiments so you can see which ones work, and the ones that do are replicated to other states. And the ones that don't are sent to Florida.