- Dirk Gently: It's very easy to act like a jerk, and then say 'well,I'm a jerk! So that's that' but it's not like being a bloody werewolf is it?
- Todd: Want to dig up some more weird crap buried by a dead guy?
- Dirk Gently: More than anything else in the world.
- Martin: Are you sure it was a safe idea to get into a van with a bunch of, uh, crazy strangers?
- Amanda Brotzman: You sure it's a safe idea to let a crazy stranger in your van?
- Ken: But, you don't want to end up in jail, right? I mean how are you going to fulfill your mission to kill Dirk Gently if you're locked up in a cell?
- Bart Curlish: Maybe that's where Dirk Gently is.
- Ken: In a women's prison?
- Dirk Gently: So exciting that Patrick Spring left us buried treasure.
- Todd: How do you even know what we're looking for is buried?
- Dirk Gently: Treasure is always buried.
- Todd: Who said anything about treasure? W-We have no idea what we're looking for, do we?
- Dirk Gently: ...Yeah, you're right. At this point, I feel like it probably is just going to lead to seven more maps leading to seven more secret rooms in seven more basements.
- Bart Curlish: [from the shower] This drink tastes bad.
- Ken: Drink? What? No, no, no, no, no, that's shampoo, don't drink that, that's for your hair!
- Bart Curlish: Well why does it got fruit on the bottle?
- Bart Curlish: What's this?
- Ken: Sweet-and-sour pork.
- Bart Curlish: Pork?
- Ken: Yeah, you know, pig.
- Bart Curlish: Why do people call it pork?
- Ken: So we don't feel guilty about eating pigs.