Nick Cramer: Self, Narrator

Quotes 

• Nick Cramer : [regarding "Blazblue: Alter Memory"] 

  [sighs] 

  Nick Cramer : Okay, let me just, ahem, I-I need a second to collect myself on this one, guys. Okay, um, F "Blazblue". Not the games, the games are good, probably, I'm talking about the world, the story, and especially the anime based on it all. So once upon a time, there was this monster called the Black Beast. Humankind sent the six heroes out to go and kill it, and they did that. But when they did, it made it spread this stuff, substance, called "seithr" all over the world. If you have the powers, you can use it to, like, manipulate it. It's like magic, it's not magic, but it's like magic. So then there's this emo edgelord named Ragna the Bloodedge, he's got a big sword and spiky hair, and he's sad all the time. He had this little sister who got sick with something. He tried to be a good brother and, like, spend time with her and stuff, but then their brother, Jin, was jealous that Ragna was spending time with Saya and not him, so he did the next best thing and, like, joined up with this hipster, and together, they cut off Ragna's arm. And it was gross. And then this vampire snapped her fingers and gave Ragna a new arm, it was made out of the seithr, but then, okay, Ragna has been trained by this cat with ninja powers. So he goes to this cauldron place with this other girl named Noel,

  [text appears: "NOT NOEL"] 

  Nick Cramer : who's fighting him, I think. Then they fall into the cauldron and both of them together become the Black Beast that attacked, like go back in time to attack the world to begin with. But it's only at this point in the series when I realized that the entire concept of "Blazblue" revolves around time looping in on itself, but if that's the case, then how come there was the Black Beast, but then this really crazy thing happens where, like, Ragna and Noel don't fall into the cauldron and they never go back in time to form the Black Beast, which means there shouldn't be any seithr, which means none of this should've ever happened, but it keeps happening. I never figured out why, it never made any sense to me, because somebody didn't think this thing through, somebody just kept throwing in stuff to the "Blazblue" lore, thinking people would think it was cool, and I'm sorry to say, that it worked, but it didn't work on me! Oh no, I see "Blazblue" for what it is: It's a mess! It's a crappy mess, and I HATE it! That's why it's number seven.