- Sheila the She-Wolf: I've worn this... or some version of this every day for the past five years. It's not a costume. Just me. And what I do in the morning... what I put on, what I wear... it's not for you. It's... it is for me.
- Sam Sylvia: I'm Sam. I'm a filmmaker. Um, people say I have a zany sense of humor. Uh, if you're watching this and you can't stand smokers, I would just fast-forward to the next schmuck. So why am I doing this? I don't know. I guess I've reached that age where I have to admit I'm just looking for a partner I can stand. Uh... who has a great smile and a great figure, who doesn't tear me apart like a banshee every time I make a mistake. You know, someone who's fun, not a hypocrite, under 30. Yeah, uh... So, you know, choose me. Yeah, I'm lonely, and my cock works great.
- [smokes]
- Sam Sylvia: Should we do another one?
- Rhonda Richardson: You're staring at my tits?
- Carmen Wade: I am. I'm sorry.
- Rhonda Richardson: Oh, I don't care.
- Carmen Wade: I just don't understand how they, um, stand up like that.
- Rhonda Richardson: Well, they like attention
- Stacey Beswick: Well, I'd date him.
- Dawn Rivecca: Stacey!
- Stacey Beswick: What? He's cute, he's lonely, and his cock works great.
- Dawn Rivecca: You can't believe everything you see on TV.
- Keith: And I'm uncomfortable now. Good night, ladies.
- Melanie Rosen: Who are you?
- Rhonda Richardson: I'm Britannica.
- Melanie Rosen: Because you're British?
- Rhonda Richardson: No, 'cause I'm smart, like Encyclopedia Britannica.
- Melanie Rosen: Oh. Nerd versus party girl. Classic structure!
- [gives Rhonda a high-five]
- Rhonda Richardson: Okay, so... maybe I can hit you with my book.
- Melanie Rosen: You can try.
- Rhonda Richardson: Like this?
- [Britannica hits Melrose in the thigh with her book]
- Melanie Rosen: Ow! Stop hitting me with knowledge!
- Carmen Wade: Dad!
- [silence, as Goliath Jackson and his sons approach the ring]
- Bash: Oh! Goliath Jackson. This is such an honor. I'm a huge fan. I'm a Goliath fan.
- Goliath Jackson: You the promoter?
- Bash: No. I'm more of, like, the brainchild, the mastermind-slash-fairy godfather. We don't have a promoter.
- Goliath Jackson: Who's in charge, then?
- Sam Sylvia: I'm in charge.
- Goliath Jackson: You?
- Sam Sylvia: Yeah. I'm the director.
- Mighty Tom Jackson: Did you direct Star Wars?
- Sam Sylvia: No, I didn't direct Star Wars.
- [disappointed look in Mighty Tom's face]
- Big Kurt Jackson: Love Star Wars.
- Goliath Jackson: Let's go.
- Carmen Wade: No. I'm staying here.
- Goliath Jackson: You wrestle over my dead body.
- Carmen Wade: You let Tommy and Kurt do it.
- Goliath Jackson: It's different. They're big, dumb boys. I want you to find a nice man, have a family, find a job where people treat you with respect.
- Carmen Wade: People respect me here.
- Goliath Jackson: Nobody respects a lady wrestler, sweetie. It's like the midgets. You're a sideshow.
- Sam Sylvia: Hey, hey, you can't talk to her like that.
- Carmen Wade: It's fine. It's how we talk.
- Sam Sylvia: No, it's not fine. This guy... you can't just come into my gym and disrespect one of my actors. I mean, I know you're some big, famous giant, but you're an asshole, and you wear oversize diapers for a living.
- [Goliath slaps Sam]
- Sam Sylvia: Oh, Goddammit! Jesus! Fuck! A fucking backhand? What am I? Some mouthy housewife?
- Goliath Jackson: Want me to hit you like you're a real man?
- Sam Sylvia: Whatever you gotta do to get the fuck outta here.
- Carmen Wade: Okay, enough. Dad, stop. I'll go.
- [pause]
- Carmen Wade: Sorry, Sam.
- Carmen Wade: Can you guys talk to him? Can you just try?
- Big Kurt Jackson: Dude. He was so pissed when he found that pillow dummy in your bed.
- [Bash rushes out of the gym]
- Bash: Machu Picchu, wait! Wait up!
- [Goliath and his sons are about to board his van. He turns around and sees Bash kissing Carmen]
- Bash: I understand the shackles of family expectations. Your father's got nothing on my mother. Trust me, just go with it.
- [Bash and Carmen approach the van]
- Bash: Introduce me to your family.
- Carmen Wade: Dad, this is my boyfriend.
- Bash: My name's Sebastian Howard, and, uh, your daughter and I are very much in love.
- Carmen Wade: We take our relationship very seriously.
- Bash: But it's also new, and we're taking things very slow.
- Carmen Wade: But not too slow, 'cause... I'm moving in with him.
- Goliath Jackson: You wanna wrestle? You need to learn how to sell. You're both terrible.
- Carmen Wade: Fine. I lied.
- Goliath Jackson: You've been lying for weeks. Going on about this new job at Macy's.
- Carmen Wade: Yeah, because you wouldn't have let me audition. I'm 25, Dad. I don't need your permission. It's my life. You can be supportive or I can leave, like Mom.
- [Tammé walks into Sam's office, as Sam is nursing a bruised cheek from being slapped by Goliath Jackson]
- Sam Sylvia: Don't judge.
- Tammé Dawson: I'm not. I brought you more ice.
- [Tammé hands him a can of soda]
- Sam Sylvia: That guy had a hundred pounds on me. He fights for a living. Wasn't fair.
- [Sam places can on his cheek]
- Sam Sylvia: Why'd you bring me more ice? What do you want?
- Tammé Dawson: I have some concerns about my character.
- Sam Sylvia: [sits up] Welfare Queen.
- Tammé Dawson: [sits down] It's offensive.
- Sam Sylvia: That's the genius of it. It's commentary on an existing stereotype. It's sort of a 'fuck you' to the Republican party, and their welfare program, and their race-baiting shit.
- Tammé Dawson: Yeah, but would other people know that?
- Sam Sylvia: Like who?
- Tammé Dawson: My son. He goes to Stanford.
- Sam Sylvia: Fancy.
- Tammé Dawson: And I don't want him turning on the TV and... getting upset. It's not that I do not want this job. I do.
- Sam Sylvia: What? You've never had a role you've been uncomfortable in before?
- Tammé Dawson: Sam, I've never had any role before. I mean, I've only done background work. Some lines on Scarecrow and Mrs. King and Gimme a Break.
- Sam Sylvia: Well, that's the problem. That's middle-of-the-road shit. It's safe. You see, me? I like to push the envelope. I like to jolt people into consciousness. Like, like my first feature credit.
- [Sam gets up and grabs a basket of videotapes]
- Sam Sylvia: 'Swamp Maidens of the Viet Cong'. Watch it. This one, 'Gina the Machina'. This thing? So offensive, it was banned in 49 States. Pretty proud of that.
- [pulls out more tapes]
- Sam Sylvia: Oh, look at these. 'Couch of Pain', 'Blood Disco', 'Blood Disco 2'. You should watch these. I mean, bring them back, but, you know, take them, maybe make notes. I think there's a lot of inspiration there.
- Tammé Dawson: Okay.