GLOW (TV Series)

Live Studio Audience (2017)

Marc Maron: Sam Sylvia

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sam Sylvia : All right. We're gonna need a cameraman, gonna need sound, lighting. Need a ref, gonna need an announcer.

  Bash : You're gonna need all these things by, by, by Friday?

  Sam Sylvia : Well, in a few weeks, we shoot the pilot. Be nice to get them in early while we have time to, you know, uh, work out the kinks.

  [throws pen at Bash] 

  Sam Sylvia : Here, here's a pen.

  Bash : Oh, okay. All right.

  Sam Sylvia : So, the girls can do their own hair and makeup for now. Probably gonna have to make a budget for costumes. I'm sure you got ideas about that. And also that video camera you got me got stolen, so I'm gonna need another one of those.

  Bash : Wait, wait, wait. What, what, you just, you just lost it?

  Sam Sylvia : No, I didn't... I didn't just lose it. It was here, and then it was not here.

  Bash : Did you try to look for it?

  Sam Sylvia : Are you my mother? Yeah, I tried to look for it.

  Bash : Okay, well, if we need a new camera, it's coming out of your salary.

  Sam Sylvia : My salary? You're supposed to be the rich guy.

  Bash : It's not Monopoly money. I mean, this is about accountability, Sam. And trust and thrift.

  Sam Sylvia : [gets up]  Oh, my God. You sound like a Protestant.

  Bash : Is that a bad thing?

  [Sam walks out of his office to face the ring] 

  Sam Sylvia : Hey! Hey! If any of you have any information about the whereabouts of my video camera, or if any of you happened to steal it, bring it the fuck back now.

  Bash : Now!

  Sam Sylvia : No questions asked, except you'll be immediately fired. There's too fucking many of you, anyway.

• Rhonda Richardson : [looking through the drawers]  Do you have any suspenders or, like, a bow tie, or something?

  Sam Sylvia : Could, could you stop ransacking my drawers, please?

  Rhonda Richardson : I'm working on my costume, okay? Plaits, glasses, braces, and a bow tie?

  Sam Sylvia : You're gonna look like that asshole in AC/DC.

  [pause] 

  Rhonda Richardson : You're nervous about the match tomorrow.

  Sam Sylvia : Yeah, I'm nervous. I don't wanna talk about it.

  Rhonda Richardson : Okay.

  [Rhonda turns around and walks away] 

  Sam Sylvia : Wait. Where are you going?

  [Rhonda brings out a videotape] 

  Rhonda Richardson : The good luck present i made you.

  Sam Sylvia : What is that?

  Rhonda Richardson : It's a video. Of me.

  Sam Sylvia : Oh, yeah?

  Rhonda Richardson : Shall I put it on?

  Sam Sylvia : Yeah, absolutely.

  [Rhonda inserts the tape in the VCR and plays her rap video] 

  Sam Sylvia : Are you rapping?

  Rhonda Richardson : Um... I'm speak-singing. Like Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady.

  Sam Sylvia : How did you shoot this?

  Rhonda Richardson : Oh, on the video camera I found in my locker.

  Sam Sylvia : My video camera... was in your locker? Why didn't you tell me about this?

  Rhonda Richardson : Because I wanted to surprise you.

• [Sam notices Bash installing a keyboard near the ring] 

  Sam Sylvia : You having a yard sale?

  Bash : Yeah, you asked for lights. We've got lights, in the ceiling, right? Sound, I got my sister's karaoke machine. Music, boom. Casio City. Now, I didn't get you a camera operator 'cause you lost my camera, but I did get you a ref.

  [Bash points at Keith] 

  Sam Sylvia : Keith? What the hell, man? Are we doing community theater?

  Bash : Come on, why can't you embrace the, like, do-it-yourself charm, huh? The Mickey and Judy putting on a show in the barn kind of feeling?

  Sam Sylvia : Yeah, if only I were on that much speed. I mean, like, who's gonna announce? You?

  Bash : I wish. No, I've gotta chaperone Glen Klitnick. But Sam, you're gonna do it. Look at me. You're gonna kill it.

• Ruth Wilder : Maybe we should have a safe word. Something we say if it's, like, mission abort?

  Debbie Eagan : Well, who is that real estate guy whose name was on a bench outside your old apartment?

  Ruth Wilder : Human Mabubuifarti?

  Debbie Eagan : Yeah. God, I love that name.

  Sam Sylvia : Um, does anybody know how to play piano or keyboards?

  Sheila the She-Wolf : I do.

  [Sheila exits the toilet stall] 

  Sam Sylvia : Good. I have a job for you. Uh, also, I guess I should try to bolster you all. I wish I could tell you there's a full house out there, but there is not. It's respectable. About 20 to 30 people, freaks, some children, a homeless guy. Um... Anyway... Break a leg.

  Ruth Wilder : Is that 'places'?

  Sam Sylvia : Sure, Ruth. Places.

  Ruth Wilder , Debbie Eagan : Thank you, places.

• Sam Sylvia : Hey.

  Rhonda Richardson : Hey. Can I get a little kiss for luck?

  Sam Sylvia : You're not gonna need luck. I scripted the match so you'll win.

  [Sam kisses Rhonda, then Justine appears] 

  Justine Biagi : Did you ask her about your camera?

  Sam Sylvia : What?

  Justine Biagi : Your camera. It's in her locker. We all saw it.

  Sam Sylvia : Just go get ready. Now.

  [Justine walks away] 

  Sam Sylvia : What did you do to her? Why is she trying to frame you?

  Rhonda Richardson : She's jealous, all right? She's just got a crush on you. Oh, my God. Think about it, okay? Brilliant director. She's seen every one of your films. She swoons every time you walk in a room.

  Sam Sylvia : Okay, all right. So, so, what am I supposed to do about that?

  Rhonda Richardson : Be kind and generous to her, like you are with everyone.

• Sam Sylvia : All right, let's do this. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first ever match of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling.

  [crowd applauds faintly] 

  Bash : Brought to you by Patio Town!

  Sam Sylvia : All right. Pace yourselves. All right, first match. Battle of the Beasts. From the icy wastelands of the frozen north where she rapes, pillages, but mostly rapes, please boo for Vicky the Viking!

  [Reggie approaches the ring while Sheila plays 'Theme of Exodus' on the keyboard] 

  Sam Sylvia : Oh, okay. And now... from the cloud-crowned heights of the Andes known by the ancient Incas to be the palace of the gods, put your hands together for Machu Picchu!

  [Sheila plays 'Theme of Exodus' on the keyboard] 

  Sam Sylvia : Is that the only song you know?

  Sheila the She-Wolf : It is.

  [Carmen approaches the ring] 

  Glen Klitnick : I like her. She's very winning.

  Bash : Great choice of words.

  Sam Sylvia : Here she is... Machu Picchu.

  [Carmen stops outside the ring, sweating profusely as she looks at the crowd] 

  Reggie Walsh : Carmen, get in the ring.

  Carmen Wade : I can't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

  [Carmen walks out of the gym] 

  Glen Klitnick : Is she all right? Is this part of the gag?

  Bash : Uh, you know, I'm not sure. I'm gonna go check it out.

  Keith : The Viking wins! Yeah, all right.

• Sam Sylvia : As my Aunt Jeanette used to say: 'This nursing home is a waiting room of hell.' And these two old bats are straight out of it. Clack your dentures together for Ethel and Edna, the Beatdown Biddies.

  [Dawn and Stacey approach the ring wearing Ku Klux Klan outfits] 

  Dawn Rivecca , Stacey Beswick : White Power! White Power!

  Dawn Rivecca : Segregation forever!

  Sam Sylvia : What the fuck is happening?

  Keith : Unh-unh. No. That's not appropriate. That's not right. You can't come in there with that on. Come in here wearing sheets?

  Sam Sylvia : Ladies and gentlemen, this is some inappropriate social satire. I don't know what to say.

  [Cherry and Tammé approach the ring] 

  Cherry Bang : Someone needs to teach these Casper-looking racist idiots a lesson.

  Tammé Dawson : Yeah, I might be a Welfare Queen, but I don't tolerate no bigots!

  [Tammé slides in the ring, chasing Dawn and Stacey] 

  Keith : Save it for the match. Come on. Save it.

• Sam Sylvia : All right, well, this is definitely not a match for children. Or may... Or maybe it is. Maybe you're... You're really never too young to know about this country's racial history.

  Keith : You guys got somebody over here for me?

  Stacey Beswick : Come at me! Come at me!

  Keith : Over here, who we got? All right. Let's go.

  [Cherry puts Stacey in a headlock, but Stacey punches her in the stomach and trips her before smothering her with her outfit] 

  Sam Sylvia : Ho ho! Ref, that's not legal. Get in there.

  [Keith breaks the hold before Cherry gets up] 

  Cherry Bang : I got this. Let's go, cracker.

  [Cherry kicks Stacey] 

  Sam Sylvia : Oh, this isn't as awful as I thought. Looks like the blacks have the upper hand. Helter Skelter, here we come.

  [Cherry tags in Tammé] 

  Sam Sylvia : Not looking good for the white supremacists

  [Tammé grabs Stacey and puts her in an airplane spin before dropping her. She then chases after her before ripping her white sheet and pulling off her mask. Stacey runs out of the ring] 

  Stacey Beswick : We weren't supposed to show our faces!

  [Dawn and Stacey run off] 

  Keith : Oh, we got some winners. Let's go, ladies. Welfare Queen and Junkchain!

  [crowd cheers for Cherry and Tammé] 

  Sam Sylvia : All right, it looks like the Black Panthers, or whatever they're supposed to be, have won. Justice has been served. Jesse Jackson will be our next President.

• Sam Sylvia : And now the moment you've been waiting for. The final match of the night.

  Ruth Wilder : You're gonna be great.

  Sam Sylvia : Introducing... Liberty Belle!

  [Sheila plays 'Theme of Exodus' on the keyboard, but Sam makes her stop] 

  Sam Sylvia : Stop it.

  [Debbie approaches the ring to USA chants by the crowd] 

  Debbie Eagan : [Southern accent]  I'd like to call on the power of my three favorite Americans: Ronald Reagan, Larry Bird, and Jesus Christ himself!

  Sam Sylvia : And straight from Moscow. The commisasariat for the proletariat. Here to destroy our American way of life. The Cold War never looked hotter... Zoya the Destroyer!

  [Ruth turns on her boombox to play Soviet music before entering the ring] 

  Debbie Eagan : [Southern accent]  You've lost, Zoya. Americans will never give up their freedom!

  [crowd cheers for Debbie] 

  Ruth Wilder : [Russian accent]  Capitalist pig! I will neuter all your pet dogs and fill your swimming pools with borscht!

  Debbie Eagan : [Southern accent]  One last time: Defect or die.

  Ruth Wilder : [Russian accent]  Nyet! Prepare yourself for mutually-assured destruction!

• Sam Sylvia : Oh! A dirty move by a dirty Russian. Zoya is a dirty, dirty girl.

  [Ruth clotheslines Debbie then stomps on her] 

  Ruth Wilder : Stalin!

  [crowd boos Ruth] 

  Ruth Wilder : You boo?

  [Ruth continues to beat up Debbie] 

  Ruth Wilder : [Russian accent]  So sad. So sad, Miss America! Get up! Come with me.

  [Ruth slams Debbie's head on the turnbuckle before spearing her] 

  Sam Sylvia : Is it over for the American dream? Is this bye-bye Miss American Pie?

  Ruth Wilder : [Russian accent]  No one can defeat Soviet Union!

  Keith : Hey! You guys are doing great! Do you know what happens next? 'Cause I don't!

  Ruth Wilder : Da.

  Keith : Okay, go ahead. All right.

  Debbie Eagan : [Southern accent]  Please. Don't... I surrender. Let's talk this out like adults.

  Ruth Wilder : [Russian accent]  What's that, princess?

  Debbie Eagan : Come here.

  [Debbie grabs Ruth and slams her to the turnbuckle, punching and kicking her] 

  Debbie Eagan : [Southern accent]  One quick question: How do you spell freedom? U-S-A!

  [Debbie runs to the ropes and clotheslines Ruth. She throws Ruth toward the turnbuckle and charges toward her, but Ruth lifts herself out of the way] 

  Ruth Wilder : [Russian accent]  USA dies! Woo!

  [Ruth charges toward Debbie, but Debbie hits her in the face with her elbow before climbing the second rope. She is about to jump when she suddenly sees Mark in the crowd] 

  Ruth Wilder : [Russian accent]  Stupid American Barbie! You think elbow to face will stop me?

  [a distraught Debbie walks out of the ring to follow Mark toward the locker room] 

  Ruth Wilder : [Russian accent]  Classic American! You run away! Bye-bye!