- Mike Baxter: I know what microaggressions are. It's the latest liberal attack on free speech, and a lot of fun if you do them right.
- Mike Baxter: You know who else wouldn't approve the speech they want me to give? Me... and God, who I'm also not allowed to mention, but I do.
- Vanessa Baxter: Hey, how was your day?
- Mike Baxter: You know that scene in Jurassic Park, where the dinosaur finds the guy stuck in the mud, spits at him, and then eats him?
- Vanessa Baxter: That bad, huh?
- Mike Baxter: No, that good. At work, I am the dinosaur.