Real Time with Bill Maher (TV Series)

Episode #15.6 (2017)

Bill Maher: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Himself - Host : And finally, new rule: now that polls show that the public finds the news media less trustworthy than Donald Trump, they have to fight to get their reputation back. And there are encouraging signs that that fight has been joined. The New York Times no longer shies away from saying "Trump *lies*" on the front page.

  [applause] 

  Himself - Host : Also sometimes "pussy" and "fuck" on the front page, which is awesome. Scott Pelley of CBS, who I do not like - I do not - made me like him one night when he started his broadcast like this.

  [a clip of Pelley is shown, in which he says "It has been a busy day for presidential statements divorced from reality"; audience applause] 

  Himself - Host : Chuck Todd had this moment with Kellyanne Conway.

  [a clip is shown of Todd stating "Alternative facts are not facts. They're falsehoods"; more audience applause] 

  Himself - Host : And take a look at George Stephanopoulos kicking little Steve Miller's balls up into his chest cavity.

  [a clip is shown in which Stephanopoulos bluntly ends an interview; audience cheers] 

  Himself - Host : "Thanks a lot!" Buh-bye. We're gonna need a lot more of this. We are. Trump has the White House, he's got Congress, he's got a crazy, loyal fanbase. What do we have? Pussy hats. But also people under them.

  [cheers] 

  Himself - Host : You know, there is something... there is something about getting in the street that makes a powerful statement that we care, that we're not afraid, and that we feel so strongly, we're willing to use a Port-A-Potty. We're liberals, damn it. We're tanned, rested, and gluten-free.

  [laughter] 

  Himself - Host : And we are the type of people who will throw a trashcan through a Starbucks window and then climb through and say "You know, while we're here, could I get a double mocha grande, very little foam?"

• Himself - Host : All right, so we got the streets, we still got the courts, but judges die, and if only Republicans are in power to replace them, that could be bad. Which leaves the press; the free press that is enshrined in our Constitution. But for the press to be effective, these numbers have to change. Can you imagine how this must make a reporter feel? To be losing a truthfulness contest to Donald Trump? That's like losing a rap battle to Mitt Romney.

  [laughter] 

  Himself - Host : Now, you can be mad at me for "giving a platform" to Milo, but Donald Trump is the epothiosis of the alt-right, and the media gave him the biggest platform ever.

  [applause] 

  Himself - Host : They covered every Trump rally like we put a game show host on the moon. They made him look like he was president before he was. Even during the primaries, Trump got three times the coverage of the entire rest of the field. Although Marco Rubio was able to break through one week because he gave a very important speech about how Trump had a small cock.

  [a clip Rubio saying "You know what they say about men with small hands" is shown] 

  Himself - Host : Other than that, it was Trump, Trump, Trump. He got over twice as much coverage as Hillary and Bernie combined, because they're policy people, not "tiny cock" people. And now, with so much happening all at once, we really need our news sources to bore in. But the second half of the nightly news still looks like this.

  [clips of various human interest stories are shown] 

  Himself - Host : Okay. Guys, for the sake of the republic, you gotta get serious again. You have to win your respect back, so Trump can't say "The people don't believe you; you're a joke." Look what was on Time magazine's web site last week: "These dads doing ballet with their daughters is the only thing you need to watch today." No, that's the definition of what I don't need to watch today.

  [laughter and applause] 

  Himself - Host : Henry Luce must be spinning in his grave; or as Time would put it, "You won't belive what our founder is doing now."

• Himself - Host : The news media lost trust because they became eyeball-chasing clickbait whores, who bumped the story about climate change for the one about grizzly bears in the jacuzzi. You know, there is an answer to this. When TV started, there was an understanding between the folks who owned the airwaves - the American people - and the folks who made TV - the Jews.

  [laughter] 

  Himself - Host : And that understanding was that the news wasn't supposed to make money. It was something the corporations gave us as a public service.

  [applause] 

  Himself - Host : CBS News is 3% of CBS' revenue. CNN, 4% of Time Warner's. ABC and NBC News are only 1 1/2% of Disney and Comcast. Guys, take one for the team. It's not that much. It'll pay off in the long run. You know why? Because the best customers are alive.

  [laughter and applause] 

  Himself - Host : And maybe... just maybe, people will even surprise you. They may a... they might actually prefer not being treated like children. People tell me every day how much they appreciate vice news, and a new season of "Vice" starts in a couple of minutes.