Southpaw Regional Wrestling (TV Series)

The Death of Southpaw (2017)

John Cena: Lance Catamaran

Quotes 

• Lance Catamaran : [after needing five minutes to calm down from being frustrated over the audio issue that caused him to hear Tex Ferguson's crying]  Hello again, professional wrestling fans, we are back, and I, Lance Catamaran, sincerely apologize. We had an audio issue; it was, uh, difficult to correct. I was just caught up in a moment - a moment of excitement, a moment of suspense, a moment of treachery, a moment of deceit, a moment of heartbreak, a moment of victory, a moment of triumph, ALL of these things can be seen at the biggest extravaganza in the history of professional wrestling - Lethal Leap Year. You can watch it on select closed-circuit boxes, and please, check with your local cable provider.

  [looks to the right before addressing the camera again] 

  Lance Catamaran : Uh, I'm just being handed a piece of news right now, hold on one second.

  [goes off-screen and is told out that 1987 is not a leap year, making him completely furious] 

  Lance Catamaran : There is no fucking leap year? We have been running television all year for Lethal Leap Year. And nobody, NOBODY in the office, NOBODY pushing pencils looked in a calendar to figure out that there is NO LEAP YEAR? My god, man! We're going to be ruined!

• [last lines] 

  Lance Catamaran : [having calmed down after being told that 1987 is not a leap year]  I have been informed that, uh... there is no leap year... which will put the future of Lethal Leap Year, and Southpaw Regional Wrestling itself... in jeopardy.

  [sighs] 

  Lance Catamaran : Until next time, if there ever is one. Lance Catamaran.

  [looks at Chett, who gestures to him, "Go on"] 

  Lance Catamaran : Chett Chetterfield.

  Chett Chetterfield : Bullshit.