- Lance Catamaran: [after needing five minutes to calm down from being frustrated over the audio issue that caused him to hear Tex Ferguson's crying] Hello again, professional wrestling fans, we are back, and I, Lance Catamaran, sincerely apologize. We had an audio issue; it was, uh, difficult to correct. I was just caught up in a moment - a moment of excitement, a moment of suspense, a moment of treachery, a moment of deceit, a moment of heartbreak, a moment of victory, a moment of triumph, ALL of these things can be seen at the biggest extravaganza in the history of professional wrestling - Lethal Leap Year. You can watch it on select closed-circuit boxes, and please, check with your local cable provider.
- [looks to the right before addressing the camera again]
- Lance Catamaran: Uh, I'm just being handed a piece of news right now, hold on one second.
- [goes off-screen and is told out that 1987 is not a leap year, making him completely furious]
- Lance Catamaran: There is no fucking leap year? We have been running television all year for Lethal Leap Year. And nobody, NOBODY in the office, NOBODY pushing pencils looked in a calendar to figure out that there is NO LEAP YEAR? My god, man! We're going to be ruined!
- [first lines]
- Mr. Mackelroy: [brandishing a chain] Oh... Oh, Big Bartholomew, did - did you think that I was gonna use this on you? Did you think that we were gonna have a chain match? You need to read the fine print in your contract. Because, it's not me that you're gonna be facing, oh no. You're going to be facing... my creature... from the sea!
- [the chain is revealed to be the leash holding a giant sea creature who roars, as Mackelroy laughs]
- Mr. Mackelroy: I call him... THE SEA CREATURE!
- [Mackelroy continues laughing as the Sea Creature roars]
- [last lines]
- Lance Catamaran: [having calmed down after being told that 1987 is not a leap year] I have been informed that, uh... there is no leap year... which will put the future of Lethal Leap Year, and Southpaw Regional Wrestling itself... in jeopardy.
- [sighs]
- Lance Catamaran: Until next time, if there ever is one. Lance Catamaran.
- [looks at Chett, who gestures to him, "Go on"]
- Lance Catamaran: Chett Chetterfield.
- Chett Chetterfield: Bullshit.