- Sam: [in his counseling session] I don't always love new things, but that's just a smart survival instinct. Do you think that a bearded seal would last very long if it said, "Well, I've never seen that animal before with the sharp teeth and beautiful white fur. I'll walk over and meet him."No! No, he wouldn't, because that's how you become a polar bear's dinner.
- Jayson: [receiving her for her school interview] Casey! I'm Jayson. Nice to meet you.
- Casey Gardner: Hey. You, too... You look familiar.
- Jayson: I'm black, so they put me on the brochures.
- Evan: You're, like, freaking out.
- Casey Gardner: Kinda...
- Evan: Well, hey, just remember, they recruited you. So just, you know, keep your pants on and don't curse so much. You're gonna be fine.
- Casey Gardner: I have to keep my pants on at the interview? Really?
- Evan: Yeah, call me old fashioned, but...
- Casey Gardner: I know that the athletic department wants me but I still have the interview. And then I need to prove that I'm not just a dum-dum who can run fast.
- Evan: Hey, you're not just a dum-dum that can run fast. You're also very hot.
- [first lines]
- Sam: [narrating] Before I started working at Techtropolis, I learned everything about it the products they sell, the rules and procedures for employees, how not to tell customers they smell bad even if they do. And I had a sit-down with Bob the manager, who has hairy knuckles, but is nice.
- Boss: [walking up] Sam? Your shift ended 20 minutes ago. Is everything okay?
- Sam: Yes, I'm fine, thank you. I had curly fries for lunch, and I have a girlfriend now.
- Boss: Okay. Wow! Congratulations. Tell me about her. You know, what's the lucky lady's name?
- Sam: Which one?
- Boss: Your girlfriend.
- Sam: Oh. Her name is Paige, and she has blonde hair. She's bossy and touches all of my stuff. She was born in New Jersey in the same town as Queen Latifah, and she's coming over today after work.
- Boss: Oh, yeah. I get it. I have a wife, so... You take all the time you need...
- Casey Gardner: When I was growing up, my mom and brother used to refer to people who weren't on the spectrum as neurotypicals, "NTs" for short. But when I was little, I always thought that they were saying "empties," which made sense because sometimes it feels like Sam takes up so much space that everybody around him needs to be empty.
- Sam: [to his sister] You're just like Paige. But instead of touching my books and my turtle, you're touching my girlfriend. I'm glad you're going to that new school, because you will not be around to bother me.