The Royals (TV Series)

Black as His Purpose Did the Night Resemble (2018)

Joan Collins: The Grand Duchess Alexandra of Oxford

Quotes 

• Queen Helena : Help! Anyone! Help!

  Cyrus : It's locked.

  Queen Helena : Damn it, Cyrus! You're creepy enough in the light of day! What are you doing down here?

  Cyrus : Same as you, I assume. I came to get drunk. And I was doing a fine job before you started pounding on that damn door.

  Queen Helena : Well, help me open it.

  Cyrus : Impossible. The power's out and the lock on that door's electric. And without electricity, even a team of Catherine the Great's favorite horses couldn't open that door.

  The Grand Duchess : So we're trapped?

  Cyrus : Holy shit! And you thought I was creepy.

  Queen Helena : Mother! What are you doing here?

  The Grand Duchess : This is always my first stop whenever I visit the palace. I need a little bracer before I visit my disappointing daughter.

  Queen Helena : I ment: What are you doing here at all? I banished you!

  The Grand Duchess : Well, I unbanished myself.

  Cyrus : You've run out of money.

  The Grand Duchess : Shut up, Scar. And open that door! This whole thing is becoming incredibly boring.

  Queen Helena : I can't.

  The Grand Duchess : Just like I said. Disappointing.

• Cyrus : I found candles.

  Queen Helena : Wonderful. Now all you have to do is make fire.

  The Grand Duchess : Here. What would you do without me?

  Queen Helena : Ooh, let's see. Have more self-confidence, sleep better, not worry about being accessory to murder.

  The Grand Duchess : Not become Queen. I am so hungry.

  Queen Helena : We'll probably starve to death down here. Or rather, I'll starve and you two jackals will eat me.

  Cyrus : For that, I won't be sharing my feast with you.

  Queen Helena : What feast?

  Cyrus : This worm. I plan to drink this entire bottle of mezcal and then eat the worm. Duchie?

  The Grand Duchess : I'm in.

  Cyrus : Go to Hell-ena?

  Queen Helena : No, thank you.

  Cyrus : More for me.

  The Grand Duchess : What is this?

  [INHALES] 

  The Grand Duchess : Mm, jackpot! Figgy pudding.

  Cyrus : Didn't the Queen get a black eye from a figgy pudding while having sex with the help down here?

  The Grand Duchess : That doesn't surprise me. She's always had hospitable loins.

  Queen Helena : On second thoughts, I'll have some of that tequila. Maybe I can get drunk and pass out.