Zero Punctuation (TV Series)

Wolfenstein (2009)

Yahtzee Croshaw: Yahtzee

Quotes 

• Yahtzee : I know what you're gonna say, "Yahtzee, "You slick Internet paparazzi, "Surely it's always fun "To stick the butt of a gun "Up the arse of a goosestepping Nazi!" Well, if you like starting punch-ups in bars, Or your head has been lodged up your arse, Wolfenstein may give At least some joie de vivre, Otherwise don't bother. Two stars.

• Yahtzee : It feels weird to call it generic, since this is the franchise that practically invented the genre, but Wolfenstein - the new one, that is - subscribes to so many of the cliches of current generation action games that it's like The Spy Who Loved Me of FPSes; it's so obnoxiously safe and committee-designed that any attempt to critique it in my normal manner would be equally as dull. That's why I've decided to review it in limerick form! In the tumultuous time before D-Day, There once was a man named BJ, With chocolate box hair And a face like a bear And a jacket he picked up on eBay. He was out one day murdering Germans, As they tried to enact London's Burning, He beat up some dudes, And broke missile tubes, So their boat got blown up, that'll learn 'em! But while there he made the discovery That the Nazis had powers like no other-y, He bought back a bangle With some mystical angle, To which the Allies responded, "Oh, buggery!" At the secret service of Queen Lizzie BJ's bosses find themselves in a tizzy. So they stand up and shout, "BJ, sort this all out! "We'd do it ourselves, but we're busy."