Family Guy (TV Series)

The Unkindest Cut (2018)

Mike Henry: Cleveland Brown

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Peter Griffin : Is it me or does David Ortiz look just like the mom on Good Times?

  Cleveland Brown : Aw Peter, that's racist.

  Peter Griffin : No, look.

  [he shows a picture of Florida and David Ortiz smiling the exact same way] 

  Cleveland Brown : I take it back. That's not racist, that's just accurate.

• [last lines] 

  Joe Swanson : So Quagmire, how's the new rod holding up?

  Glenn Quagmire : Yeah, you know... good. Pretty good. I've been having a lot of sex. Uhm... my dad didn't mention there's a four-inch mole on the left side.

  Cleveland Brown : What?

  Glenn Quagmire : Uh-huh. It's like the size of a fifty-cent piece on a dime kissing each other.

  Peter Griffin : Yikes. Frightening.

  Glenn Quagmire : Yeah. Some gals find it offputting. I tried to tell them it's my dad's old penis, but, um... that just tends to make it worse. But the girls that stay are just great.

  Joe Swanson : Well, I'm happy for you Quagmire.

  Glenn Quagmire : Don't be. Anyway, I gotta take a leak.

  Joe Swanson : Well, I'm just glad our friend is back to his old self.

  Cleveland Brown : Yeah, seems he hasn't missed a beat.

  Joe Swanson : It's great that we can be there for each other in trying times.

  [he finally notices Quagmire who has been screaming while they're talking] 

  Joe Swanson : What's that noise?

  Cleveland Brown : That's the sound of peeing out your daddy's weiner.