Take Two (TV Series)

Ex's and Oh's (2018)

Eddie Cibrian: Eddie Valetik

Quotes 

• Eddie Valetik : [seeing Berto dressed differently than usual]  Who are you and what have you done with Berto?

  Sam Swift : [approaching]  Oh, good, you're here. Wait. Did you bring something else to wear?

  Eddie Valetik : Why? Oh. Were we supposed to dress like Inspector Gadget?

• Sam Swift : Eddie, we talked about this. And you agreed, albeit grudgingly, to take some photos so we can update our website.

  Eddie Valetik : My website. Hey, look.

  [indicating how he's dressed] 

  Eddie Valetik : What you see is what you get.

• Eddie Valetik : [pulling Sam off Dylan]  Take it easy there, all right, Mayweather?

  Dylan : Look, Sam, I'm sorry. Okay? I meant to delete it, but I got busy and... well... I missed you.

  Sam Swift : [advancing on him]  I'm gonna kill him, Eddie. I'm gonna kill him! I'm gonna kill him and hack up his body. You can help me hack a body, right?

  Eddie Valetik : [restraining her]  Yes, if it comes down to that.

• Eddie Valetik : I take it we're talking a sex tape.

  Sam Swift : [hitting Dylan]  That he was supposed to delete!

  Eddie Valetik : [restraining her again]  Whoa. Hey. No, no, no.

  Dylan : Look, if that video gets out, it'd be a PR disaster for me.

  Sam Swift : For you? What about for me? It will shred what is left of my reputation.

  Dylan : Why do you think I'm here?

  Sam Swift : [firmly]  Eddie, we're taking the case. We have to get it back.

• Sam Swift : Can't you drive any faster?

  Eddie Valetik : Not without breaking the law.

  Sam Swift : Don't you have, like, a siren or something? Just tell me it's gonna be okay.

  [before he can say anything] 

  Sam Swift : Oh, my god, it's not gonna be okay! It's gonna get out, and everyone is going to see it. Me, naked, from all the worst angles.

• Sam Swift : I-I-I don't think I can recover from another hit like this. People say that they're not going to watch it, but they are going to watch it. Over and over and over. My parents, they're not gonna watch it, but their friends will. My sister, she definitely will. And Mr. Martinez.

  Eddie Valetik : Who's Mr. Martinez?

  Sam Swift : My fifth grade teacher who said I wouldn't amount to anything. You know he's gonna watch it.

• Sam Swift : Okay, I'm sorry. I know. I'm getting emotional, and it's not helping.

  Eddie Valetik : At least you stopped hitting him.

  Sam Swift : So, what's the plan?

  Eddie Valetik : We'll check the footage and see if we can ID this guy.

  Sam Swift : And if we can't?

  Eddie Valetik : He took eletronics, watches, all things that are easy to move. We'll call my pawn shop connections. We'll have 'em keep an eye out. If he's a common thief, chances are he won't even know what he has. He'll just erase the laptop's drive and then pawn it.

  Sam Swift : If you're trying to make me feel better, it's working.

• Eddie Valetik : [at Dylan's house]  What?

  Sam Swift : The last time I was here, we were engaged.

  Eddie Valetik : I thought the last time you were here, you snuck in and you set his bed on fire.

  Sam Swift : Either way, lots of memories.

• Sam Swift : Have you ever looked at an old flame and wondered "What the hell was I thinking"?

  Eddie Valetik : I always knew what I was thinking.

  Sam Swift : [playfully kicking him in the butt]  You know, it's like you love someone, but then all of a sudden, a switch flips and you can't even look at them anymore.

  Eddie Valetik : Yeah, well, the heart's like a funhouse mirror. It distorts things.

  Sam Swift : Did you read that on a fortune cookie?

  Eddie Valetik : No. Snapple cap.

• Eddie Valetik : I reached out to my contact at Tabloid Junky. There's good news and bad news. Good news, they don't have the video yet.

  Sam Swift : What's the bad news?

  Eddie Valetik : They're negotiating for it. It's only a matter of hours.

  Dylan : Oh, god. I'm supposed to be shooting a charity PSA in an hour. They'll probably throw me off the board. I gotta call my manager. Brock's gonna kill me. I gotta get in front of this.

  Sam Swift : Get in front of it? You might as well jump in front of a bus. I've got to call my parents and warn them.

  [holding up her phone] 

  Sam Swift : LostIdolLegend?

  Dylan : My guest WiFi.

  Sam Swift : Seriously?

  Dylan : That movie paid for this house.

• Roberto 'Berto' Vasquez : There it is. 11:49 p.m. An unknown MAC address queries Dylan's WiFi, generating a request to join. That's probably your thief.

  Sam Swift : What's a MAC address?

  Roberto 'Berto' Vasquez : Anything that connects to the Web has a unique media access control address. It gets recorded every time a device interacts with the Internet. It's how the Internet knows where to send your data. But what most people don't know, and what would creep them the hell out, is that if someone knows their MAC address, and they're connected to the WiFi, they can be traced.

  Sam Swift : [turning to Eddie]  And I thought you hated technology.

  Eddie Valetik : I do. That's why I hired him.

• Eddie Valetik : Anything on Dylan's list jump out at you?

  Sam Swift : Nothing that warrants a military attack. You were watching?

  Eddie Valetik : The whole office is made of glass.

  Sam Swift : He apologized to me.

  Eddie Valetik : You think he meant it?

  Sam Swift : I don't know. But for a second...

  Eddie Valetik : [getting on the elevator]  What?

  Sam Swift : It reminded me of when things were good.

• Detective Christine Rollins : About time you showed up, Valetik. I was ready to have it towed. Sam.

  Eddie Valetik : Chris. What are you doing here?

  Detective Christine Rollins : I'm just wondering why uniforms found your SUV sitting abandoned.

  Eddie Valetik : Well, I parked it. The battery was acting up.

  Detective Christine Rollins : The battery? So who wiped down the interior with bleach?

  Sam Swift : That would be me. Trying to get rid of that old-car smell.

  Detective Christine Rollins : So you're his accomplice now?

  Eddie Valetik : [simultaneously with Sam]  More like passenger.

  Sam Swift : More like associate.

  Detective Christine Rollins : [handing him a slip of paper, she turns to leave]  Well, you'll be sure to let me know if that battery acts up again. I'd hate to see you two get stranded.

  Eddie Valetik : A ticket?

  Detective Christine Rollins : You said you parked it. It's a no-parking zone.

  Sam Swift : Is that some kind of weird foreplay?

  Eddie Valetik : Shut up.

• Eddie Valetik : Berto, I need you to trace a couple routes for camera.

  Roberto 'Berto' Vasquez : Is that a paper map?

  Eddie Valetik : I know, I'm a relic. Now, the carjackers traveled 2.8 miles from Point A, here, where they jacked us to Point B, here, where they ditched the car.

  Roberto 'Berto' Vasquez : I didn't know they still made paper maps.

• Sam Swift : [after being arrested by the DEA]  Was it you, Eddie? Did you tell them about Dylan?

  Eddie Valetik : No. Because you said he's innocent.

  Sam Swift : He is.

  Eddie Valetik : How can you be so sure? We followed his trail to that crate.

  Sam Swift : Because when Dylan was 20, he lost his little brother to a heroin overdose. He hates drugs; he never touches them. Maybe that's why, after he dumped me, I did so many of them.